I wish I didn't have a huge ego. I know it's easier to swallow my pride and make the first move, but, why do I have to be the one to initiate it first?

I guess I'm pushing you away so that you'd make me stay, but, you aren't doing anything.

I guess that's all there is to it.

xx

Especially when you have Adele's someone like you on repeat.

Four years ago, I got my heart broken. I thought I`d forget about it, but, I guess you don`t just forget about things like this. I guess you can`t just switch off the feelings as and when you like. I guess memories exist for a reason, to remind us of the process of becoming the very person we are in the present time.

There's alot of things that I remember. To be honest, we only remember the most fondest and the most bitter memories. The kind that has a sudden surge of emotions attached to it. Who knew I`d be in tears typing this.

I remember how broken I was, how I tried to pick up the pieces without showing too much of the emotions that was bottled up. I remembered how I tried to be cool when we were on the same team in one of the most beautiful cities I`ve been to. I remembered how hurt I was when you showed up at my prom with your new girlfriend. I remembered you said that what was lost should be left just as it is; lost.

Four years is a long time for me to be remembering all these. I`ve moved on, I am so sure of that. But whenever I see this date, it reminds me of the weaker side of me. The side that moulded me into a guarded person. Cheers to that.

This past few weeks have been strange.
I`ve been letting my guard down and it makes me vulnerable.
I`m not like that.
I know what happens when I let my guard down.
And, I cannot let that happen again.
Not anymore..

"I have no faith in restoration and repair because no one is ever fully repaired or restored.
Everyone's broken and damaged at their best. "
- dhaifina olvr

I wonder how long would this cold war last?

Obviously, both of us has a sky high ego that would make this even harder.

I`ve always been the one who apologises first.

And maybe, I don`t want to do that anymore.

Maybe, it`s high time for you to start making the first move.

But, it`s also safe to say that I don`t want to lose you over something so silly.

Then again, like I`ve said, I`ve got too big of an ego and so do you.

we`ll see again, xo

Honestly, this week is like love and hate of the entire universe with me.

I`ve been at my weakest and my strongest.

There`s no point in rambling what happened and all.

Albeit the heartbreaking ones, but, I guess I should just pretend that it doesn`t exist.

Alot of things have changed.

At work, home and even school.

I guess all I can right now is to adapt and pretend that it doesn`t bother me.

"Confessions of a concealer-holic"

but, I like how my mind and my heart are finally agreeing with one another.

Baby steps, Dhai, baby steps.

Till next time, xo.