Dear Anonymous

Sunday, November 30, 2008, 5:49 AM

I had a heart-to-heart talk with Nad over at the airport.

You`re right.

You`ll never know how it feels like until you`ve been hit by it.

I just need to learn how to shut up and pretend.

Good pretender.

Saturday, November 29, 2008, 7:42 AM

You disappoint me, completely.

You really did.

I always thought you`d be the last person to do it.

That I`d always have you to back me up.

But today, I lost faith in you.

Someone who used to mean to much to me.

I have never felt so disappointed before.

All i need was just a few minutes.

Friday, November 28, 2008, 7:43 AM

Yep, I can do this.

(Yeah righttttttt)

Wednesday, November 26, 2008, 7:15 AM

"Its taking a toll on me.

In the bathroom, taking shower.

So you don`t see me cry."

I went to the airport just now.

Just to clear my thoughts and to have a peace of mind.

Then I realised, everything else comes second.

The airport is like some sort of sanctuary for me.

I managed to think through a few things.

I even shed a few tears which was kind of weird.

It was seriously peaceful.

I had a nice alone time.

Away from people I know.

Away from everything else.

I`m praying and praying.

God, please don`t take this one thing away from me.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008, 7:01 AM

What makes you happy?

One simple question with one difficult answer.

I had an awesome time with Felina.

I ended work at 6pm and rushed to meet her over at Fish&Co Express.

It has been ages since I last met her up.

Miss her heaps.

Had loads of things to talk about while we enjoy our meal.

Hee. I love you felina, okay? (:

Went over to E!hub to meet Nad and the rest for bowling.

Felina talked to Yammy while I talked to the rest.

Hee, headed to Etp to meet up with the rest.

Initial plan was to go to the pasar malam at interchange.

But since we already ate, we gave it a miss.

Had those talks with Felina.

Boy, do I really miss her and the rest very much.

We shall do it another day okay babe? (:

I can`t be bothered with things.

Nature shall take its rightful place.

Whilst I, the unfortunate victim, wait for its fate.

Bummer.

Monday, November 24, 2008, 7:50 AM

If this was a movie,

I would rewrite the tragic ending.

I don`t quite understand myself.

I could never comprehend my feelings.

Yes, call me weird or what have you.

My heart broke to a million pieces when I heard it.

Have they felt that way for a long time?

Am I really a disappointment?

Am I an embarrassment to them?

I went into the shower and cried so hard.

For the first time in ages, I cried that hard.

Now I know how they felt about myself.

I am a disappointment.

All I know is to ask and get whatever I want.

And when I don`t, I would throw a fit.

It must be really hard to have a daughter like me.

Ungrateful and unappreciative.

But they didn`t have to say it that way.

Its hard to just ignore,

cause its repeating in my mind over and over again.

Like a trilogy.

And tears just run down like a running tap.

I can`t stop myself anymore.

I`m sick of always trying to be that cheerful girl.

I`m sick of always pretending and putting on an act for the sake of others.

But I know I can never share how I feel.

Because I don`t really wish to be bawling my eyes out like some retard over something that no one can help but myself.

Guys, I know you all are concerned.

But this is something I must keep to myself for the time being.

I`ll be fine, don`t worry.

I`m wondergirl, yknow. (:

Sunday, November 23, 2008, 7:57 AM

Sitting all alone in the room.

My face glued to the screen, while tears just run down.

How I wish I could just do the right thing.

I wish I could just try and be good, just for once.

I`d give anything just so i wouldn`t mess things up.

I`ve been screwing things up time and again.

Screwing up almost everything that has happened in my life.

I know this is what you call fate.

But fate is just unkind.

Bottomline:

I`m just upset.

Saturday, November 22, 2008, 8:38 AM

Cause, I`m trying my best to be a better person.

Heeeee, I`m going to try my utmost best because I think I should.

On top of everything else,

Today was my cousin`s wedding dinner.

A sweet and joyous event, I must say!

The magic act by Imran was super dope!

And so was, Abang Dzul`s surprise performance.

It was super nice, really.

Heh,

I`m one happy kid.

Its done so effortlessly, (:

Thursday, November 20, 2008, 7:08 AM

Edited at 2349

I deleted my previous post.

I need to tone down and be patient.

I need to, cause I don`t wish to drive others around me mad.

Its going to be one tough challenge.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008, 6:47 AM

Happy happy kid.

I`m extremely happy.

^-^

Just for a little while.

Cause they said if you laugh too much,

you`ll end up crying.

Monday, November 17, 2008, 6:28 AM

Its like in kindergarten.

When you have a crush on some random kid, and you`re shy.

Its like way back in primary school.

When all you do is smile like some little kid when your crush passes by.

Heeeeeeee (:

I bet you all would be going "WTF! Dhaifina shy?!"

Hahaha, fuck.

Even I am wondering.

New experience, I must say.

Rofl.

Saturday, November 15, 2008, 8:24 AM

Hello.

Everything is okay.

No more harsh feelings.

Everything is exactly how it is supposed to be.

Praying for the best, always.

Thursday, November 13, 2008, 7:26 PM

Alrightey! :D

I can`t wait for later on.

Finally, I get to sheesha after so long!

HEEEEEEEEEE.

Okay, shall update more tomorrow or something!

, 5:14 AM

YAY!

This Cacat Boy over here is actually nineteen already!

Can you believe it? :D

HAPPY NINETEENTH BIRTHDAY YOU TOAD!

You`re still alive so make full use of living your life to the fullest and stop complaining!

Heee!

Since its your special day,

I get to post all the cacat photos of you!

Enjoy okay? (:

Hahahah!

Hope you liked it! :D

P.S. my Fish&Co. still waiting.

I want to scrap the express. Heeeee.

Monday, November 10, 2008, 10:29 PM

Because at times,

we forget what its like to be human.

We fail to remember that we are not superhuman.

We let it slipped from our minds that we can`t always numb ourselves.

Sometimes,

we try so hard to be what we aren`t.

That causes us to be our worst enemy.

We can ponder over and over again about life.

But, we don`t get our answers straight away.

Its not like we can find out about life within the speed the internet has to offer.

It takes trial and error with life.

"Try again, fail again. But, fail better."

But it got to me,

how many times have I fallen?

Did I get better with each fall?

Many many unanswered questions.

, 6:34 AM

she watched as the whole world move by.

Is she the only one standing still?

Closely observing the evolution of other human beings.

Is she the only one unable to comprehend how vast life is?

Am I too slow?

Couldn`t I just take a hint and get lost?

But no, I`m always trying to think optimistic.

But now, its catching up to me.

Its fading away, bit by bit.

Am I the stupid one?

Like you, I also don`t get why do I have to hold on when you don`t care.

The past that I was trying to avoid has finally caught up with me.

I know I put you through alot of shit,

I hurt you many many times.

Do you know that this was what I was trying to run away from?

I`m sorry because I am not what you expected.

I am not like the girl you thought I was.

I`m sorry if I made life difficult by relating my problems to you.

I`m those kind of present people have been anticipating but when they rip it out, they just go "Oh, thank you."

Because I`m nowhere near the kind of "present" you wanted.

You said you want to forget about everything because you don`t want history to repeat.

You said that you`re scared that when you`re nice to me,

things would turn out the way we didn`t want.

Why didn`t you just say?

I could have taken it way better than this.

Are you afraid of hurting me?

Don`t worry, I doubt you can hurt me more than you`ve already done.

I think you`re reading this.

Well, everything is all out.

I`m glad that I`ve managed to have you as a friend through the ups and downs.

, 6:03 AM

I`m so bloody frustrated.

And no, I`m not having my PMS okay.

I`m just frigging pissed with my dad for being so unreasonable.

Okay, what happened is that I accidentally dropped my camera.

The lens got so fucked up that I had to send it for servicing.

I thought the warranty could cover the cost of everything.

But apparently, the had to change the freaking lens for the cost of $130.

Like what the hell!

Okay, back to the story.

My dad, suddenly felt like he had to be the most unreasonable dad in the entire world, is truly adamant about his $100.

He wants me to give it to him by hook or by crook.

Like fuck, how the hell am I supposed to pay for the servicing if that is the case.

Seriously, sometimes I don`t get my family one bit.

They are the weirdest bunch.

Fucking retarded, I`m still trying to figure out how to get the money.

DARN IT. SUPER PISSED ALREADY.

Fuckkkkkkkkk it.

Sunday, November 9, 2008, 7:07 AM

I had an awesome time yesterday (:

Despite having my camera dropped and embarrassing myself at the bowling alley.

OMG!

THANKS TO SOME PEOPLE!

Nevertheless, I had a great time with Nad, Dee, Yammy, Khai, Wan Gig and Lukman.

I embarrassed myself terribly!

I am a terrible bowler. OMG!

Thanks to Jumadi for making me dropped the bowling ball!

But it was fun, no less.

Waited for Sri to end work.

Had those heart-to-heart talk. niceeee(:

Work was kinda messy today.

Was super pissed off towards the end.

Darn it.

Nevertheless, those people I went home with made my day.

(: Wan Gig, Fazuan and Iskandar.

HAHA! "Bahan Ketawa" again!

But I had fun, yo.

Okay, Gotta go to Harbourfront to send camera for servicing.

^-^v

Okay people, byebyeeeee!

Friday, November 7, 2008, 8:50 AM

I shall only blog about all the happy things in life starting from today.

All the unwanted emotions will be pent-up till I can`t do it no more.

Best of luck to whoever that is going to be around me when that happens. (:

Worry not, I would never hurt you physically. Emotionally, well yeah, it happens all the time.

This isn`t the end, is it?

Cause it doesn`t feel like it.

Why do I even keep on ranting about it?

It doesn`t serve any purpose at all.

Oh great, now I`m walking in circles again.

Cause I`m that innocent girl, right?

Lots of love, lovelies. <3

Thursday, November 6, 2008, 7:30 AM

T`was an awesome time today (:

I spent a wonderful time with the mates! heh.

Nad, Aishah and Fazuan.

Superb yo!

We made use of macbook to snap pictures! :D

Best picture of the day! :D

She has got a freaky siamese twin.

Favourite girl

We played cards of ten! LOL!

Comic boooook!

Cacat! :D

weeeeexsxx!

We got it all wrong.

We were the retards of the day.

Niceeeeeee, yo!

We became the "bahan ketawa"

Bestest people. (:

Need I say more?

They are simply fun.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008, 6:20 AM

I`m super happy.

Yesterday, I finally bumped into nonamalinda!

Its been ages since I last saw her and I miss her alot!

And today, I got to meet Dee!

I miss her a whole lot okay!

She is the best person to be manja-manja with and the best person to talk to.

Heh! :D

We bumped into Fatynn too!

I miss that girl alot too!

Ohhh, I MISS AISHAH ! ):

Can`t wait for pay day!

Hee, shopping. LOL!

Sunday, November 2, 2008, 8:39 PM

I miss you a whole lot.

I know I shouldn`t.

I should have never started any of this in the first place.

It still hurts.

I need to go do the right thing now.

I still miss you.

Bye

Saturday, November 1, 2008, 8:02 PM

Ohhhhhhhh~

I had an awesome time last friday! :D

All thanks to the kickass friends!

I swear they are the dopest bunch, really!

Spent Halloween at Escape Theme Park.

It was hell of a fun!

Especially with the ex-colleagues!

I swear Haikal, who was the freaking clown, was the scariest thing there!

Oh my god, clowns! Fucking scary!

Well, he chased me from C1 to C2 and at Flipper!

Everyone, including the "ghosts" were saying "Dhai! You watch out, I`ll ask the clown to come after you!"

Thanks eh guys. Hahahah!

Didn`t manage to take all the rides, just a few.

B.Track, Flume ride, K.Flyer, Flipper and Family Coaster.

And of course, the main attraction, Haunted House II!

Initially, I didn`t want to enter at all.

Because, I`ve seen the props when I was making my way through Alpha 8.

But thanks to the ever-so-nice TS, Jon, Glenn and Joseph who FORCED me to enter.

Thanks eh guys. LOL.

Jon kept on preaching "You gotta conquer your fears!"

Hahaha! After ten minutes of persuading and me asking hell of silly questions such like "eh, what if you guys leave me inside? Noooo, I don`t want!"

I made a fool of myself in Haunted, thanks to them.

But we cut queue! Hahahah! :D

Part of the stupid/embarrassing conversation that happened inside.

Me: Nooooo! I don`t want to continue, don`t want don`t want!

Jon: You want to stay here ah?

Me: Don`t want Don`t want!

Jon: Then this is the only way out lah, aiyo!

Glenn and Joseph: -Laughing like some mad people-

Hahahah! I told you I embarrassed myself inside!

Was fucking relieved when we`ve reached the exit.

But I conquered my fears!

Yay for me.

Hahaha! I sound bloody bimbotic now.

Yesterday was work.

Eleven hours due to Halloween again.

Painted my face, seeing the reactions on people`s face was hilarious!

And again, the clown wanted to chase after me that caused me to stay rooted in C1 all the way.

And due to what happened yesterday, Glenn laughed to himself when he sees my face. -.-

But was bloody tiring lah.

And and, some shits happened yesterday too.

We wound up going out of escape at 1220am. :D

Cabbed home with Weiliang and Fadzlon.

Okie Dokie.

I gotta run, working Pm shift today.

See ya later, dearests.

, 10:52 AM

At times, I miss you.

But I know I shouldn`t.