Anyway! Today, I went bowling with the Escape babies! (: It was a last minute plan. `Cause I was actually pretty lazy. But thank God, Nat and Endika picked me up after work and we headed over to downtown with their boys. Haha, it was a very hilarious car rides with their funny jokes and all. I think if they hadn`t pick me up, I would have gone home and slept. Hee. I improved alot on bowling! Yay! Hahaha. But I had a great time catching up with the boys and of course, Fatynn!

I can`t wait for tomorrow, wild wild wet with Nat. :D

Sexcited! Hehehe.

Okay, I shall sleep. Goooood night, world.

Anyway, I realised that I didn`t type this out in paragraphs and almost the whole chunk is pointless. But..... who cares? I`m not really into the mood of airing out my dirty laundry to the whole world, even if it`s just ranting out my feelings. I think I`ve said enough on this site of mine. kthxbye.

Today was pretty good. I didn`t have to come to work. I spent the day with the family and had dinner over at Swensen`s at TM. We were at town and we had to go all the way back to Tampines because my dear brother is too effin` lazy to have dinner at Town. Then, I had to go all the way to City Hall to meet up with Ath and Sha. Haha, but, it was all good. Except that the stupid Birkenstock store wasn`t open and we were all anticipating for birks purchases. HAHAHA. :p

I shall head down there tomorrow to get it then. Yay!

Okay, this post is probably pointless. I had alot to blog about but the headache is just making me woosy. I should sleep. Good night, world.

It`s definitely one of the days whereby I feel that reality is a bit too much and I wish to drown myself in surrealism. Ha, like that is even possible. I should probably start doing things that needs to be done instead of hoping for things that wouldn`t even come true. Uhuh, I guess I gotta get my ass down to NYP before 5th of Jan so I can get started on things. 2010 is going to be my big break and I ain`t sitting by the sidelines anymore. I ain`t going to sit around and go through motions like I always do. I gotta do something with my life. Right, I just need a motivation. Ha.

Anyway, I can`t wait for next week. A totally packed week with all the wonderful people. Hee.

I can`t wait, especially for New Year`s Eve!

Okay, I feel like munching on something. Good night lovelies. (:

I`m sorry if I neglected this space of mine. I`m way more active in Tumblr and Twitter these days. I guess I`ll only update here if I`m bored or wanting to rant publicly. Ha.

So anyway, last week`s events got me thinking a whole lot deeper. Plus, the boys have been lecturing me about going drinking and all. It sure does irritate the hell out of me but I know they`re just concerned about my well-being. They`re nice like that.

I sure as hell don`t know what I`m trying to do. I`ve screwed up loads of things and everything is all so overwhelming.I shall not even touch on the affair of the heart `cause life is already complicated enough without it. But my friends reckon I need a boyfriend to ease my mind. Rightttttt, like that will ever help. I don`t know, most of the time I feel like I`m trying so hard to please everyone. If only I can split myself into two, three or four, that`d be awesome enough. I am trying so hard to do everything at once that it pisses me off when I screw things up. Prolly it`s my fault for wanting to do that in the first place, but, it feels like shit. I feel like shit. I don`t want to actually confide into anyone because I know everyone has their own shit to care about. I don`t want to be a burden and worry like I was last Saturday. It was all my fault and I`m really sorry if I worried you guys. See, I can`t even trust myself to not worry anyone.

Ah fuck it. I should prolly keep whatever`s in my mind stay up there.

T`was an awesome week. :D
Sunday was spent w D`Escapees; Town and Grandlink for a karaoke session.
Monday; work and met up w Haliejah and Diana Iar! <3
Tuesday; work and Adzri Jumsi came down to store. Plus, slack session w ze boys at Alfresco.
Thursday; Grandlink w D`Escapees and 3-in-the-morning slack session w Fiq, Khai R and Nat.
Friday; Slack session at the usual territory w Yammy R Pane! <3

And and, tomorrow Nat`s chalet w ze girlszszs.
:D Hee, blame it on the a-a-a-alcohol~

I told my mom I am in need of a break.

Terribly.

I need to get away from everything.

I`ll always run and hide when it comes to love.

I`ll always look the other way when I feel like someone is actually getting close to my heart.

I have no qualms about being alone, but, I sure as hell don`t like being lonely.

Am I being cynical here?

Sure, I do want to have someone there for me. Having someone who cares about me and be there for me 24/7 would be a great thing. Having someone who knows when to back off if I`m having a bad day and to know when to come in if I need a shoulder to lean on. I want someone who makes me feel special and at the same time, doesn`t want me to change a single thing about myself. I want someone who can speak their mind even though it is going to sting me a little and willing to right my wrongs when it comes to my bad decisions. I want someone who is supportive and willing to sit down with me just to accompany me watch airplanes. I want someone who knows me well enough that they`ll know what is bothering me without having me to tell them a single thing.

Basically, I want someone who can break the wall around my heart and tell everything to without having to say anything.

But, the chances of that happening is close to impossible, no?

I hate the fact that you`re always getting all worked up over nothing.
It`s like you`re accusing me of things that I didn`t do.
And when I actually want to do things, you`ll be all dramatic.
Using reverse psychology by telling me that I should if I don`t respect you.
You get paranoid and your imagination is so fucking wild that you think every time I go out, bad luck would befall on me.
WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU THINKING?
STOP BRINGING ME DOWN AND STOP BEING IRRITATING, REALLY.
`CAUSE ITS REALLY GETTING ON MY NERVES.
I haven`t had the chance to actually go out okay.
I stepped into TM today after two weeks. That`s how busy I have been.
You don`t know that, do you?
I`ve been working my ass off that I don`t even get to see my friends.
The only people that I meet every single day are my partners.
Fuck, you`re fucking spoiling my mood okay.
Like really, stop thinking of the worst for me.
Stop tryna use reverse psychology and stop bringing up the goddamn past.
What is over is already over. No point tryna bring it up.
You`re making the relationship between us even strained than it already is, Mommy.
Sometimes, I wished you`d just back off.
Really.