Dear Anonymous

Escapade

Friday, July 31, 2009, 9:21 AM

I.MUST.START.SAVING (!!!!!)

Yes yes, Imma do the unthinkable and save save save!

Means, I have to curb on my spending habits! *gasps*

But, it`ll all be worthwhile.

If you don`t know what I`m talking about, well, I`ll tell you.

I`m gonna save enough cash to head over to Sydney next year or earlier.

:D Heh heh heh.

Its going to be awesome and I so can`t wait!

Hopefully the plan would follow through!

xoxo

Ready, get set, don`t go

Thursday, July 30, 2009, 8:14 AM

I feel like a major loser today.
For some reason, my self-esteem was unusually low.
So, I did some crunches, sit-ups and jumping jacks. Hahaha. We have two small dumb bells at home, so, I made used of that.
Yes yes, I worked out till I felt a wee bit better.

Recently, my cousin in Malaysia added me on facebook.
What amazes me was that he is a step closer to achieving his dream, while I am still school-less.
Guess what? He is only a year older than me. -.-
Okay okay, I mean its not such a big deal `cause he can`t really do international flights right?
But still, he is on the path to be one.

I feel like such a letdown, suddenly.

I`ve gotta go and find a job. pronto.

Ignite your bones

Wednesday, July 29, 2009, 9:34 AM

So, I decided not to go on a hiatus.
Well, `cause firstly I`d be bored silly by not whining on my blog.
Secondly, I just don`t see why I should be updating my semi-locked lj since I don`t have any personal thing to rant about. Okay wait, there is probably a couple of things at the back of my head. But, we`ll worry about that when the time comes.

So anyway, I`ve been writing a couple of poems lately.
It isn`t really good `cause I find it crappy and no emotions attached.
My guess is `cause I probably don`t feel anything right about now. Yes, you heard me. I don`t feel sad, happy, angry, excited, nervous or any emotions at all.
I feel bored almost every single time. Hence, the poems have no emotion attached onto every word.
Well, until I feel any iota of emotion in my poems, I won`t post it up my blog.

So today, I am going to blog on a issue that has been bugging me.

I used to be close friends with this girl I met late last year. She is a brilliant girl who has never fail in cheering me up.
We`d have impromptu meet-ups for lunch and heart-to-heart talk over at the airport.
She sometimes would share to me about her past, though, not all `cause she is one secretive girl.
She doesn`t like to worry her friends and she is super lame, I tell you.
She is paranoid sometimes, but, that doesn`t make me wanna be her friend any lesser.
She`s the kind of friend that I`d go through any length to help.

I miss that friend of mine. I don`t know what happened to us, but, I miss you girl.

Sometimes I wonder is it just me or am I cursed?

I feel out of place and out of touch.
I thought I used to be part of something.
It is not that I am letting my feelings get in the way of my judgement or decisions, but, I just don`t get things anymore.
I feel like I`m at the point where I am in pieces.
I am trying to do my best, but, my best is always disappointing.

Whenever I thought I`m doing a nice thing,
my plan is always backfiring on me.
It feels like crap.
I feel like crap.

I feel like a fucking loser, right now.

Fall down seven times, get up eight

Tuesday, July 28, 2009, 7:25 AM

"I've always sort of wondered: If everyone else's opinion is what matters, then do you ever really have one of your own?"
— Jodi Picoult

I watched The Tenth Circle on HBO family just now.
It is based on a novel by Jodi Picoult; My all-time favourite author.
I simply find her novels such a page-turner.
Most of her novels are usually about questioning our own morality, conscience, faith, empathy, compassion and right or wrong.
Basically when I read her book, it would usually hit me hard on the face.
Her stories forces us to think in a way we would have never imagined, placing us in a scenario we would never expect in our entire lifetime.
Plus, she writes in a multiple point of view. That way, we`d get a feel of what each characters are actually feeling.

I read my first Jodi Picoult novel in 2006 and has been hooked to her novels ever since.
The best one so far is, of course, my first book; my sister`s keeper and nineteen minutes.
Right now, I`m currently reading Harvesting the heart.

Anyway, I was browsing through quotes and I found this;

"If you spent your life concentrating on what everyone else thought of you, would you forget who you really were? What if the face you showed the world turned out to be a mask... with nothing beneath it?"
— Jodi Picoult (Nineteen Minutes)

Everyone tries to fit in, really, everyone.
Only someone who doesn`t have any feeling or a flicker of humiliation in his/her bones would disregard having to fit in.
We try so hard to fit in that we tend to forget who we really are.
We show the world our mask, ready-made to fool anyone.
Expectations on our backbones,heavier than the weight of the world.
We are all expected of different things from everyone.
Each time we disappoint, bit of the mask falls off.
We lie to ourselves and others to keep questions at bay.
We pretend we`re fine when we`re actually not.
Why the hell do we need to wear masks when we are already different?
We dress up different, we act differently to variety of situations.
We each have our own funny little habits that makes us an individual.
We laugh, cry, be angry or get hurt to different kind of things.

Truth is, everyone wears a mask at some point of their lives.
Don`t tell me you have never did, not even once.

love drunk

, 2:29 AM

I spent the entire day on the laptop having a Skins marathon. Hahaha!
I just felt like watching Mitch Hewer and Luke Pasqualino all over again and squeal about how hot they are. :D

And now, I feel like I need to get out of the house.
Escape, or something.

Cheers.

Play on broken strings

Saturday, July 25, 2009, 8:44 AM

We look far beyond our horizons and expect a rainbow to appear from the other end.

But when it doesnt, we break ourselves apart trying to find the reason why.

We expect too much out of ourselves.

Out of everything and everyone.

Sometimes, simplicity is always a bliss.

You leave me high and dry

Thursday, July 23, 2009, 3:57 AM

I closed my eyes and wondered what it was like to be back in the comfort of school.

You have no idea how much I miss school and studying.

But for some reason, I`m kind of afraid that I won`t be able to cope. A year plus of not schooling might make me a little rusty in swallowing education at a go. Hopefully, I`ll be able to beat the odds and cope.

I am ready to go back to school.

Guess new life awaits in September. (:

Your silver and gold

Wednesday, July 22, 2009, 9:01 AM

Blogger is being a total pain in the ass. So, I can`t really do a proper post. Bummer right? Heh heh.

Anyway, I should probably head over to *insert name here* soon. I must really stop procrastinating! But, the flu bug just wouldn`t leave me alone. -.- Sore throat and dizzy spells happening so frequently are really taking its toll on me. Curse my low immune system. Pfft.

I didn`t manage to catch the Solar Eclipse just now `cause it was raining and I was still groggy. Hahahaha. I wasn`t being lazy, just awfully sleepy. So, I took a mere peek at the window and saw that it was raining heavily with dark clouds and snuggled right back under the duvet. Hee.

I should definitely kick this lazy habit and shed some pounds since I`m oh-so-free.

Morning jog commences as of tomorrow! :D

P.S/ My english is getting atrocious, no? Hmmm.

Sunday, July 19, 2009, 9:23 AM

"I`m weak, its true.

`Cause I`m afraid to know the answer."

-Ryan Cabrera

Will update more later.

Crash and burn

Saturday, July 18, 2009, 8:01 AM

I watched as the world goes by,

trees swaying in slow motion like everything else around.

Inhaling the cigarette smoke from mine,

my mind lingering to the thoughts of you.

Captured moments being replayed so vividly,

hearing the sound of your voice and looking at our kodak moments.

What felt like droplet of rain interrupted my thoughts suddenly,

I looked up and realised that the sky wasn`t tearing but I was.

So, here you go.

The first poem I wrote after a really long time.

I hope you guys enjoyed it.

Though it is pretty depressing or as Sha likes to call it "emo"

It is just my current feeling at the moment.

So, pardon me if it is not cheerful.

Inspired in a not-so-nice way.

I`ll give you my heart on a string

Friday, July 17, 2009, 11:17 AM

Its killing softly, deep inside.

I know it, I just know it.

My gut feeling is telling me something.

Question is now if there really is.

After everything that has happened, why now?

Why right now?

`Cause your words don`t translate

Thursday, July 16, 2009, 9:55 AM

Its 1 in the morning and I am still not sleepy.

I guess I can put my woes to rest, `cause now it feels like you`re gone.

An hour of you that I can never comprehend.

Weird much.

It is okay.

Nothing is ever normal anymore. Hahaha.

What about now?

, 8:52 AM

I lost some links.

Tell me personally online, okay.

xoxo.

Only me, only you and the band

, 4:24 AM

The whole entire week was crazy!

I`m all pumped up for an even crazier weekend.

Hahahaha. :D

Shot me out the sky

Tuesday, July 14, 2009, 9:54 AM

Guard my thoughts, my heart and myself.

Imma turn stone-cold.

`Cause with you around, my vulnerability is still questionable.

Hide and go seek

Sunday, July 12, 2009, 10:15 AM

12th of July was filled with

car rides, sing-along, puffs, coke, birthday song and a whole lot of entertainment.

I had an awesome 12th of July.

You?

Saturday, July 11, 2009, 8:46 AM

Sometimes, I feel like I know you.

Most times, I feel like I don`t.

Did time change everything?

Wednesday, July 8, 2009, 4:28 AM

This past few days have been terrible.

Grumpy + pessimistic + frustrated + emotionally exhausted = possible case of PMS.

But not right now, its actually a lot more than just PMS.

It`s my thoughts; my scary and unwanted thoughts.

All the emotions that I have been bottling up are like a dormant volcano waiting to erupt.

And we all know what happens when a dormant volcano erupts,

it`s alot nastier than an active one.

Being alone certainly does not help me at all.

No, self-reflection destroys me at mere thought.

I`ll go all self-conscious once I`m alone in my room with a full-length mirror at aid.

Hence, my self-esteem would plummet once I look in the mirror.

I`m full of paranoia and insecurities when I`m alone.

I just can`t help it.

I can`t help thinking the worst of anything when it`s about me.

I just can`t help feeling pessimistic.

I just wish for better days, pretty please.

Things at home have been spreading me awfully thin.

I am just so so tired.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009, 8:12 AM

I don`t like pay day.

After getting my necessities and paying my bills,

I`m left with $180.

Bloody hell or what.

My parents are just way to calculative.

I don`t believe they asked my sister to pay for everything when she had a handphone,

even with a part-time job.

SHEESH.

Saturday, July 4, 2009, 8:02 AM

The good days just keeps on coming.

I had a embarrassing yet wonderful time today.

Though Nurza sorta made me want to go and dye my hair. Tsk.

I can`t wait.

Heh heh heh.

Will post up the pictures tomorrow! :D

Heh heh.

Yay for Carousel & shopping.

MIM! I WANT SHEESHA PHOTOS(!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Friday, July 3, 2009, 1:26 AM

I can`t wait for Sunday, I can`t wait for Sunday (!!!!!!)

Heeeee, it is going to be fun!

And of course, going to make me reaaaaal happy.

Heh, will update again with pictureszsz on Sunday!

Thursday, July 2, 2009, 7:45 AM

I see the sparkle of a million flashlights

A wonderwall of stars

But the one that’s shining out so bright is the one right where you are

Trying to reach out to you, touch my hand

Reach out as far as you can

Only me, only you, and the band

Trying to reach out to you, touch my hand

-Touch my hand, David Archuleta

For some reason, I`m still trying.

I know you`re there, somewhere.

, 12:19 AM

I counted my pay and it doesn`t seem to tally with the one online.

Sheesh. I`ll get Sha to help me out since I don`t really now how to count it properly.

Hahaha.

Okay, I need retail therapy.

Shops, here I come.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009, 11:51 AM

All because I told her I had to clean my room tomorrow.

Funny or what, this eighteen-year-old-eastsider girl. HAHAHA!

, 10:15 AM

I had a kick-ass time with the girlzsz.

& wait, three boyszsz. Heh heh.

Flor, Isha, Mim, Madi, Black, Shuhaida(?) and Aliman

You guys totally made my day, or was it night?

Hahaha!

I had an awesomeeee time.

And guess what, it was Mim virgin try for Sheesha!

More to come!

Photos up soon by end of the week, promise!

Looks like I`ll be scrapping off my tagboard.

Probably will put up a comment link at the end of each post.

Still contemplating, so we`ll see!

*Lovesssssss

, 2:16 AM

Just ignore the previous post.
It`s a shout out to a certain someone, wherever you are.

Anyway!
I`ll probably post up loads of pictures by the end of the week.
Inclusive of tonight`s photos which, my guess, would probably be tons!
I`ll be meeting the girlzszsz over at Haji lane later tonight.
Sheesha session, wooohooo!

Okay, I`ve got to go and get ready.
Bye!

Escapade

Friday, July 31, 2009, 9:21 AM

I.MUST.START.SAVING (!!!!!)

Yes yes, Imma do the unthinkable and save save save!

Means, I have to curb on my spending habits! *gasps*

But, it`ll all be worthwhile.

If you don`t know what I`m talking about, well, I`ll tell you.

I`m gonna save enough cash to head over to Sydney next year or earlier.

:D Heh heh heh.

Its going to be awesome and I so can`t wait!

Hopefully the plan would follow through!

xoxo

Ready, get set, don`t go

Thursday, July 30, 2009, 8:14 AM

Ignite your bones

Wednesday, July 29, 2009, 9:34 AM

Fall down seven times, get up eight

Tuesday, July 28, 2009, 7:25 AM

love drunk

, 2:29 AM

Play on broken strings

Saturday, July 25, 2009, 8:44 AM

We look far beyond our horizons and expect a rainbow to appear from the other end.

But when it doesnt, we break ourselves apart trying to find the reason why.

We expect too much out of ourselves.

Out of everything and everyone.

Sometimes, simplicity is always a bliss.

You leave me high and dry

Thursday, July 23, 2009, 3:57 AM

I closed my eyes and wondered what it was like to be back in the comfort of school.

You have no idea how much I miss school and studying.

I am ready to go back to school.

Guess new life awaits in September. (:

Your silver and gold

Wednesday, July 22, 2009, 9:01 AM

Blogger is being a total pain in the ass. So, I can`t really do a proper post. Bummer right? Heh heh.

I should definitely kick this lazy habit and shed some pounds since I`m oh-so-free.

Morning jog commences as of tomorrow! :D

P.S/ My english is getting atrocious, no? Hmmm.

Sunday, July 19, 2009, 9:23 AM

"I`m weak, its true.

`Cause I`m afraid to know the answer."

-Ryan Cabrera

Will update more later.

Crash and burn

Saturday, July 18, 2009, 8:01 AM

I watched as the world goes by,

trees swaying in slow motion like everything else around.

Inhaling the cigarette smoke from mine,

my mind lingering to the thoughts of you.

Captured moments being replayed so vividly,

hearing the sound of your voice and looking at our kodak moments.

What felt like droplet of rain interrupted my thoughts suddenly,

I looked up and realised that the sky wasn`t tearing but I was.

So, here you go.

The first poem I wrote after a really long time.

I hope you guys enjoyed it.

Though it is pretty depressing or as Sha likes to call it "emo"

It is just my current feeling at the moment.

So, pardon me if it is not cheerful.

Inspired in a not-so-nice way.

I`ll give you my heart on a string

Friday, July 17, 2009, 11:17 AM

Its killing softly, deep inside.

I know it, I just know it.

My gut feeling is telling me something.

Question is now if there really is.

After everything that has happened, why now?

Why right now?

`Cause your words don`t translate

Thursday, July 16, 2009, 9:55 AM

Its 1 in the morning and I am still not sleepy.

I guess I can put my woes to rest, `cause now it feels like you`re gone.

An hour of you that I can never comprehend.

Weird much.

It is okay.

Nothing is ever normal anymore. Hahaha.

What about now?

, 8:52 AM

I lost some links.

Tell me personally online, okay.

xoxo.

Only me, only you and the band

, 4:24 AM

The whole entire week was crazy!

I`m all pumped up for an even crazier weekend.

Hahahaha. :D

Shot me out the sky

Tuesday, July 14, 2009, 9:54 AM

Guard my thoughts, my heart and myself.

Imma turn stone-cold.

`Cause with you around, my vulnerability is still questionable.

Hide and go seek

Sunday, July 12, 2009, 10:15 AM

12th of July was filled with

car rides, sing-along, puffs, coke, birthday song and a whole lot of entertainment.

I had an awesome 12th of July.

You?

Saturday, July 11, 2009, 8:46 AM

Sometimes, I feel like I know you.

Most times, I feel like I don`t.

Did time change everything?

Wednesday, July 8, 2009, 4:28 AM

This past few days have been terrible.

Grumpy + pessimistic + frustrated + emotionally exhausted = possible case of PMS.

But not right now, its actually a lot more than just PMS.

It`s my thoughts; my scary and unwanted thoughts.

All the emotions that I have been bottling up are like a dormant volcano waiting to erupt.

And we all know what happens when a dormant volcano erupts,

it`s alot nastier than an active one.

Being alone certainly does not help me at all.

No, self-reflection destroys me at mere thought.

I`ll go all self-conscious once I`m alone in my room with a full-length mirror at aid.

Hence, my self-esteem would plummet once I look in the mirror.

I`m full of paranoia and insecurities when I`m alone.

I just can`t help it.

I can`t help thinking the worst of anything when it`s about me.

I just can`t help feeling pessimistic.

I just wish for better days, pretty please.

Things at home have been spreading me awfully thin.

I am just so so tired.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009, 8:12 AM

I don`t like pay day.

After getting my necessities and paying my bills,

I`m left with $180.

Bloody hell or what.

My parents are just way to calculative.

I don`t believe they asked my sister to pay for everything when she had a handphone,

even with a part-time job.

SHEESH.

Saturday, July 4, 2009, 8:02 AM

The good days just keeps on coming.

I had a embarrassing yet wonderful time today.

Though Nurza sorta made me want to go and dye my hair. Tsk.

I can`t wait.

Heh heh heh.

Will post up the pictures tomorrow! :D

Heh heh.

Yay for Carousel & shopping.

MIM! I WANT SHEESHA PHOTOS(!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Friday, July 3, 2009, 1:26 AM

I can`t wait for Sunday, I can`t wait for Sunday (!!!!!!)

Heeeee, it is going to be fun!

And of course, going to make me reaaaaal happy.

Heh, will update again with pictureszsz on Sunday!

Thursday, July 2, 2009, 7:45 AM

I see the sparkle of a million flashlights

A wonderwall of stars

But the one that’s shining out so bright is the one right where you are

Trying to reach out to you, touch my hand

Reach out as far as you can

Only me, only you, and the band

Trying to reach out to you, touch my hand

-Touch my hand, David Archuleta

For some reason, I`m still trying.

I know you`re there, somewhere.

, 12:19 AM

I counted my pay and it doesn`t seem to tally with the one online.

Sheesh. I`ll get Sha to help me out since I don`t really now how to count it properly.

Hahaha.

Okay, I need retail therapy.

Shops, here I come.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009, 11:51 AM

All because I told her I had to clean my room tomorrow.

Funny or what, this eighteen-year-old-eastsider girl. HAHAHA!

, 10:15 AM

I had a kick-ass time with the girlzsz.

& wait, three boyszsz. Heh heh.

Flor, Isha, Mim, Madi, Black, Shuhaida(?) and Aliman

You guys totally made my day, or was it night?

Hahaha!

I had an awesomeeee time.

And guess what, it was Mim virgin try for Sheesha!

More to come!

Photos up soon by end of the week, promise!

Looks like I`ll be scrapping off my tagboard.

Probably will put up a comment link at the end of each post.

Still contemplating, so we`ll see!

*Lovesssssss

, 2:16 AM