dhaaaaaaaaaaai

In another life, I would make you stay

2011-11-30T04:12:00.001-08:00

I miss you.

I wish I didn't have a huge ego. I know it's easier to swallow my pride and make the first move, but, why do I have to be the one to initiate it first?

I guess I'm pushing you away so that you'd make me stay, but, you aren't doing anything.

I guess that's all there is to it.

quad venti heartbreaking

2011-04-08T10:26:00.000-07:00

And just when I thought it was getting better, apparently it isn`t.

Especially when you have Adele's someone like you on repeat.

Four years ago, I got my heart broken. I thought I`d forget about it, but, I guess you don`t just forget about things like this. I guess you can`t just switch off the feelings as and when you like. I guess memories exist for a reason, to remind us of the process of becoming the very person we are in the present time.

There's alot of things that I remember. To be honest, we only remember the most fondest and the most bitter memories. The kind that has a sudden surge of emotions attached to it. Who knew I`d be in tears typing this.

I remember how broken I was, how I tried to pick up the pieces without showing too much of the emotions that was bottled up. I remembered how I tried to be cool when we were on the same team in one of the most beautiful cities I`ve been to. I remembered how hurt I was when you showed up at my prom with your new girlfriend. I remembered you said that what was lost should be left just as it is; lost.

Four years is a long time for me to be remembering all these. I`ve moved on, I am so sure of that. But whenever I see this date, it reminds me of the weaker side of me. The side that moulded me into a guarded person. Cheers to that.

Happy 19th, Jtjf.

right through you

2010-11-27T23:25:00.000-08:00

This past few weeks have been strange.
I`ve been letting my guard down and it makes me vulnerable.
I`m not like that.
I know what happens when I let my guard down.
And, I cannot let that happen again.
Not anymore..

"I have no faith in restoration and repair because no one is ever fully repaired or restored.
Everyone's broken and damaged at their best. "
- dhaifina olvr

dysfunctional

2010-08-16T09:28:00.001-07:00

I wonder how long would this cold war last?

Obviously, both of us has a sky high ego that would make this even harder.

I`ve always been the one who apologises first.

And maybe, I don`t want to do that anymore.

Maybe, it`s high time for you to start making the first move.

But, it`s also safe to say that I don`t want to lose you over something so silly.

Then again, like I`ve said, I`ve got too big of an ego and so do you.

we`ll see again, xo

Honest to God

2010-07-27T10:54:00.000-07:00

Honestly, this week is like love and hate of the entire universe with me.

I`ve been at my weakest and my strongest.

There`s no point in rambling what happened and all.

Albeit the heartbreaking ones, but, I guess I should just pretend that it doesn`t exist.

Alot of things have changed.

At work, home and even school.

I guess all I can right now is to adapt and pretend that it doesn`t bother me.

"Confessions of a concealer-holic"

but, I like how my mind and my heart are finally agreeing with one another.

Baby steps, Dhai, baby steps.

Till next time, xo.

chapters of goodbyes

2010-07-08T08:58:00.001-07:00

Shakespeare once said, "Journeys end in lovers` meeting."

I`ve been debating with myself, questioning the real reason as to why I do not believe in love which is such a beautiful thing to others. Maybe because of my past experiences, not with love between two souls, but chance encounters with love in any kind.

To others, it would be easy to just blurt out "I love you" to someone special. But to me, it takes forever. As long as I do not feel it, I would not say it. No matter how many times you say it to me, no matter if you`re just a friend. It doesn`t matter a bit to me because saying "I love you" to someone, even if that person is just a friend, is like forging a special kind of bond. Because you don`t say you love someone and just walk away.

I have walls around my heart, not bridges. The mere thought of having someone close to me is already scary enough. Because, what if they have gotten to know the real me and do not like what they get? After breaking down all those walls, what if they just leave like everyone else did? People say that you`ll get so excited about a wrapped present but when you open it and do not like what you get, you say thank you all the same. What happens to the present then? Being chucked aside because, it wasn`t what the receiver had wanted in the first place?

I honestly do not like pushing people away, though, some may think it is a part-time hobby of mine. But what if they all leave? Sure, they say that they`ll always be there. But in the end, they don`t. I know well enough to know how that cuts a person up. Especially, when your own bestfriend tells you that and in the end, left when I hit rock bottom. I know enough to know what it is like to cry at night because you let that person so close to your heart and they left just like that. I`m not saying that everyone does that, but, that`s my perception of things. I cannot change my perception of this. It`s like asking a already grown elephant chained to a tree to escape, when since young, they have already been brainwashed that the tree is stronger than them. You cannot fix an already broken heart, because no matter how much glue you use to stick it back together, it`s damaged at it`s best.

To be frank, I`m scared. Scared of saying goodbye and hello. I know that people come and go but, it`s tiring. "Sometimes, life feels like chapters of goodbye." How do I know for sure that the next person that comes by would not leave? I know we should all take a leap of faith, but, I`ve had enough of leaping. If it isn`t bad enough that God took away my bestfriend, I do not need to have another reason to be angry with God if the next person that comes along is the one that touches my heart and they would leave too. If you think that I won`t be able to get through obstacles in life because of this, well, you`re wrong. It took me alot to finally realise that my bestfriend ain`t coming back, that he pretends I don`t exist anymore. Just like that. If those special bonds created could lead to something like that, why even bother in the first place?

I know that everyone needs that someone. The someone who would be the one you hold on to when that little shred of faith fades away. Maybe, I`ll find someone that I can actually attempt to make a real connection with, someone I could finally feel something real with. Someone that I trust when they say that things would be okay. Maybe.. When God feels that He should open up my heart and let me heal, for once.

like it was yesterday

2010-07-03T09:59:00.000-07:00

Its been a long time since I cried.
Like I really cried my eyes out and tonight I did.
I thought alot about the past and all of that seems to make me tear up.

The present seems to be the way it is because of the past, because, I failed to be there for you.

All these are all my mistakes and I`m paying the price.

You have no idea how much I miss you, really no idea.

never good enough

2010-07-01T08:08:00.001-07:00

I`m sorry.

To everyone that does read this, to those who knows me or not.

I`m really really sorry.

Fear in every step.

2010-06-29T08:20:00.001-07:00

It finally dawned on me that I am not strong enough. That all I`ve been doing is lying to myself, telling myself that I`m okay when I`m really not. It struck me to know how fragile I really was. That a few things could just break me apart, like candy canes. I guess, I`ve been living in denial for so long that I forced myself to believe that a part of it is real and that everything else doesn`t really matter.

How do I do this? How does one go about doing this?

Doesn`t it scare them? Doesn`t it scare all of us that life is this huge scary ride and we`re all in it? I mean, I know life is supposed to be about obstacles and shits like that, but, what`s the real plan behind all of the obstacles given? If we fail, what happens then? Is God going to give us a second chance or do we get some kind of second placing in life like in sports?

How does one go about confiding their feelings, sharing their secrets? Wouldn`t that require trust? What if someone has trust issues? Are they doomed to have all their feelings be bottled up? What happens to them? What if they go crazy because of their pent-up emotions? Is that what is going to happen to me? Because I suck big time in confiding, I suck big time in expressing how I feel. I suck big time with trust and the whole letting-people-close-to-my-heart thing. I suck big time at all of these.

I am suppose to be the strong one, the doesn`t give a fuck one and the expert concealer kind. What led to all of these? I am weak, I am lost and I feel like crying most of my goddamn time. What is wrong with me?

It`s scaring me to know I can switch off my emotions just like that. It`s scaring me to know that I can overanalyse, too concerned and too caring but at the same time, I can just numb it and don`t give a damn about it. It`s scaring me to know that somehow along the way, I`ve lost myself and I don`t think I`m ever going to come back. It`s scaring me to know all that. To know that I can pretend to be someone I`m not when I`m around my friends but when I`m alone, I`m just this insecure, moody and too caring girl. It`s like I`m role-playing and I don`t even know it. How did it came down to all of that?

Well, my childhood sucks. In my point of view. But to others, that would be the best childhood ever I guess? Truth is, I am pampered. I am so spoilt that I do not even deny that. But, one thing is that I guess I don`t get the kind of attention that my other siblings get. Y`know, the whole love thingy from my parents. I get mostly material stuffs, in exchange for good results and squeaky clean record. So, I thought that my parents must have really love me because they`re buying all these nice things for me. But I guess I got it wrong because what I really wanted was the kind of gifts they gave to my other siblings. Like fetching them from camps in primary school. I went back on my own from my first ever camp in primary school. They didn`t even bother coming for things that other parents did. So, I thought that getting into trouble would get their attention and it worked. So I was the black sheep in the family. I was the one who gets into trouble, always so demanding and spoilt. Then when I was in secondary school, it was hard for me. Especially with my sister leaving me for four years. She was the one person who ever stopped my mom from beating me. When she left, everything came spiralling down. My parents vented their anger on me because of the overwhelming financial difficulties. Then when my sister called, she`d scold me because all she hears about when she calls is my mom complaining to my sister about me. I don`t have a proper family, I have a dysfunctional one. That`s when I went for counselling. That`s when most of my friends secluded me because I cut myself and they thought I wanted attention. They hated me for almost a year. They`re the same friends that you see me with now. The only reason I did what I did was not because of attention. But because I kept blaming myself for things that went wrong. Every single thing that went wrong, be it with family, friends or studies, I`d blame myself. I cut myself because I wanted to feel something real, something that hurts more than my heart. Then when I was in secondary four, I stopped counselling. But when my grandma passed away, I was in that downward spiral again. I didn`t manage to see her on time. I was still slacking in school when I knew she was damn sick. I only rushed when my sister called me to say that she was already on her deathbed. I didn`t manage to see my grandma on time and I blame myself for that every single day. I was getting closer to her y`know. But God, as I realised, loves to take the people that matters the most to me just as I was about to open up my heart to them.

I don`t know if you understand. But these are the reasons why I don`t let people get close to me. The reasons why I find it hard to trust people, to confide in them.

I don`t know why I`m telling you all these. I just feel that you should know.

pressure

2010-06-22T12:43:00.000-07:00

I haven`t been updating my blog in a while, I know.

Things have been pretty hectic. Juggling between school, work, social circles and personal responsibilities.

Exams are coming soon and I`ve yet to get started on my first paper. Nice.

My body clock is screwed. It`s fifteen minutes to four and I`m still wide awake. I hate having a screwed body clock because I tend to think so much when it`s the wee hours of the morning. I`d only be sleeping once dawn breaks, I reckon.

I`m currently thinking of my future and past, simultaneously. What I should do once I get my MDIS diploma and stuffs like that. It`s been two weeks since he left and I should probably get it in my brain that he ain`t coming back. He`s in a better place and I should pray to God for that. Just that I have many regrets bottled in my heart that I didn`t get the chance to express. But he left me, y`know. He left all of us, so, why does it feel like I`m the one who is feeling so hurt and lost? I know my stubborn self got way out of hand but I felt hurt. I felt abandoned. It`s not fair that whenever I get too close to someone, they`d leave. Did I push them away? Was it my fault that they all left, not just him? Was it my fault that my late grandma left only when I was getting close to her? Is it my fault that everyone who is close to me is leaving me, one by one? I`m tired of bidding goodbye. I`m tired of having to open up my heart to someone new every single time and old one leaves. I know people come and go, but, it`s a frequent thing on my part. Now, I push people away and I don`t let anyone near my heart because I can`t deal with that sick cycle. I can`t deal with the thought of having to say goodbye to them just as I was about to break the walls that surrounds my heart. And I`m doing all that because the past hurt me so much that if I don`t do that, I`d fall into another uglier habit.

I`m so lost and confused now. All I feel right now is just the hurt I used to feel before.

These overwhelming emotions that I hide every time I`m outside. I`m trying so hard not to cry on the outside anymore. I seem like I don`t give a fuck about anything or anyone now. Because why, if I do, that would be the breaking point for me. All of this is really spreading me awfully thin.

Goodnight world, xo.

put my heart to the limit

2010-05-24T03:07:00.000-07:00

I really like the way I am now. All thanks to a certain someone.

I feel more at ease with myself, more stronger than I am.

I guess it took some time but I managed to pull through.

I managed to go through one session too, albeit, breaking down with a non-waterproof mascara.

Not such a smart idea on my part. Oh well.

I definitely feel more calm and in control. Oh yeaaaah, I`m in the zone. HAHA.

But but, really. I`ve never felt better.

It made complete sense. I know I`ll only ever have myself to depend on.

And I don`t need help getting back on my own two feet. I won`t push anyone away though, I just want to try getting up by myself. (:

In any case, I`m now in the midst of completing all of my assignments.

Rushing through, to be exact. Haaa.

Once a procrastinator, always is.

goodbye world, xo

my mind is my bestfriend

2010-05-19T06:39:00.000-07:00

Okay, to say I was forsaken would be exaggerating but somewhere along that line.
To be honest, it broke me apart so bad but what`s new? Everyone knows how fragile I am.

But the silver lining is that, someone was there to help me get through it.
And whatever that person said really made sense to me. It gave me a new perspective on things.

I need to start getting my priorities right. I need to care only about myself and fuck the rest of the world. I need to start depending solely on myself. I need to start picking myself up when i fall, to get on my own two feet without any help. I need to start controlling the world around me and to forget the insignificant ones. I need to start doing this.

I can definitely do this. Seriously, I know I can.

fly lil butterfly

2010-05-04T07:53:00.000-07:00

It`s funny how almost everyone is scared of expectations, scared of being hurt or getting hurt because of it.

Expectation, in it`s own true form, is already a killer in disguise.

Building fear around the mind and heart, tearing one`s faith apart.

I guess in a way, I am scared.

Scared that I`ll disappoint everyone, myself included.

I do know I can make it, but, unsure about how well that is going to be.

I honestly do not know my future plans, though, I reckon I should start planning.

The expectations and hopes that my parents` put on me is just insane.

The way they lay things out just like that is making me terrified.

Hence, the thousand and one of "What ifs" came running through my mind.

The weight of the hopes and expectations from my parents are like me carrying the weight of the world.

Yes, it`s that heavy.

But I gotta do this, i can`t afford to disappoint anyone ever again, especially not my own blood.

It is damn difficult, but, I can pull through.

Like always.

But for now, I would like to disappear.

xo.

lock the spaces in between

2010-04-22T00:21:00.000-07:00

Okay hello. I haven`t been updating much. Not even Tumblr. Tsk.
Yesss, I`ve been a very busy individual with school assignments and work.
I like this week of school alot. Definitely way more interesting than the rest! But exams starts on the first week of June, so, there`s alot of things to learn especially econs! Pft.
Final term assignments toooo. :O

& oh, my school officially ends on 10th of october. HAHAHA.
EAAARRLLY OR WHAT.
So, that also means that I have to suffer and work damn hard to make sure that I actually get the diploma. Tsk. Goodbye social life.

But in a way, that`s good I guess.
Especially with things that has been happening. Sigh.

"I may smile and laugh at every single thing. But that doesn`t mean things aren`t bothering me. That doesn`t make things alright. I just choose not to show my weakness and my fragility to everyone. Everyone thinks you`re okay when you sure as hell aren`t."

break your heart

2010-04-14T05:27:00.001-07:00

Okay hello. I bet my blog has a lot of cobwebs all over huh?

Oh welllll, what`s new? Righttt, just so yall know, school has already started! (:

I managed to make a few new friends because the rest just seems to be a tad bit anti-social. Ish.

Anyway, classes are okay. I just haven`t get used to the part of waking up so early in the morning. Tsk! I miss the working life though. Hahah, I miss going for attachments and being able to come home late at night. Sighhhh.

Anyway, I can`t wait for our store chaletttt! :D awesome. Hee.

Ish, I`m running out of things to say. Till next time.

Goodnight world, xo.

like you mean it

2010-03-16T11:09:00.000-07:00

Usually, I`d be asleep by now. I guess I`ve been struck by insomnia.

So, I`ll start by ranting okay. Been busy with work. Well, what`s new? I think I`m always working that I`ve no social life at all. Minus the little trips to town to meet people which would last for a few hours before going home to sleep and back to work in the morning/afternoon. Such a fucking cycle. But I guess that`s the only source of income I have so I have got to be disciplined. Apparently a new issue have cropped up at home. I don`t know why but I`ve got this bad feeling. But, if I don`t visit my granny, only God knows what would happen. My sister said that granny looks like as if she is already giving up. It`ll be like repeating history, back to 2007. It`s not as if I`m that cruel to not visit my granny. But, I`m too scared, I guess. Too scared of the emotions that would overcome me towards the end. Of course, I am praying for her to get well. I really hope that she`d recover soon enough. I`m just scared that I won`t be strong enough.

People seem to think that when you`re smiling, means you`re okay. It means that nothing is bothering you and everything seems to be just fine. It means that you`re doing just well.

Well, the answer is no.

i can see us falling

2010-03-08T01:32:00.000-08:00

Hellllllohh (:

I know my blog is probably collecting dusts and all. I`m more active on Tumblr and Twitter. But worry not, meetme-halfway.bs would still be my favourite ranting spot. Ha.

So anyway, I`ve got good news! Hahah, I`ll be starting school on the 12th of April! Thank God right! I am so psyched for school but a tad bit nervous too. Okay, not a tad bit, but, a whole lot! But I know that I have to pull through and suffer the 10 months to get my diploma. I know I can do this. Ha.

I`ve been working my ass off nowadays. Been doing attachments all over Singapore. HAHA. Okay not really all over Singapore but mainly in town; Tanglin and Raffles. It`s pretty tiring and annoying have to wake up early just to get my ass over at town by 9am. But, it`s pretty cool to get to know new people and make some new friends. Plusssss, the place is just so crowded that time passes by very fast. Ha. Plus, I love doing attachments at certain places. Haha, now that things are different at JJ. Sigh.

Oh ya, we celebrated Endika`s and Irah`s advanced birthday at supperclub on the 26th. It was an awesome celebration with Smirnoff and awesome music. Not forgetting with the awesome bunch of people! The only people missing are the podium boys which I miss alot. Hee.

Oh well, I`m off to sleep now. Yes, at 6pm. I am so tired.

Okay bye!

stay still thy heart

2010-02-11T09:27:00.000-08:00

"Helloh, my name is Dhai b."

That`s the salutation on my pos card, done by Yan b. Hahah. So, I`ve been working alot this week that my whole body is aching. Tsk. But nevermind, I need the money anyway. Ha.

So, Valentine`s day is around the corner. That is ultimately depressing. Not that I care about the whole affair because I personally think that it is bloody overrated. Ha. Shit, May is coming and I am still single. Goodness, for over 3 years. I feel damn pathetic, I am not even kidding. But on the flipside, I think it`s a pretty good thing because I do not believe in relationships and guys around me are the perfect example as to why. Hahah. I am just kidding about the last bit, but, not most of them. Okay, I should probably stop rambling about V`day. I shall sleep now.

Wild wild wet awaits me. Heehee. (:

Goodnight world, xo

Imma tell you one time

2010-02-04T08:08:00.001-08:00

Maybe God doesn`t want me to continue back studying. Maybe it`s a calling for me to stop. Who knows right. Maybe it`s time I stop fighting it. Maybe, I should just shut up.

Quiet things no one knows

2010-02-02T21:48:00.000-08:00

A million of eyes scanning around, yet, nothing is happening. I am trying my best to look at the brightest of the bright side but I doubt there will be. Sigh. Maybe we should all give in to fate and try our best to be happy. But.. that means giving up. Is she really ready to give up or are we still going to try to fight the invisible fight for her? Maybe at the end of the day, letting go is always the best option. It may hurt like hell, but, maybe it`s a whole lot better than this. I guess these things inevitably makes us stronger. But at what cost?

someone like you

2010-01-27T10:25:00.000-08:00

I should probably be asleep right now. But I`ve been going to bed at the most ungodly hours. So, I guess this is the time for me to update my blog. Ha. The week have been going on quite good, I must say. I`ve been spending my time with my two favourite girls and of course, the usual boys. Eating, going to places and just chilling around, life seems to be so laid-back. Of course, there are those moments whereby I feel emotional. As quoted by Zai, "I think I`ve been hit by the growing up blues." I guess, there`s still some part of me that wants to hold on to the past and never let go. But I know, there`s no such thing. I even wish that sometimes I could start over, like really all over again. But we all know that it ain`t gonna happen. Life`s a bitch and I guess, that`s how we learn; through love, loss, laughter, tears and heartaches. I guess in a way, all of us are damaged, trying to stitch ourselves back together. Okay, I should probably stop thinking too much.

On a way lighter note, I`m glad that I have people in my life who makes my life techni-colour. (:

No news on the posting yet. Oh wellll, I`ll just have to wait a while more.

I should return to skins. xo

my wonderwall

2010-01-24T06:32:00.000-08:00

So, my weekend was fairly good. We left Singapore for KL at 9pm and reached at around 2am. It was alllll good. 19 people in granny`s small semi-detached. Ha, sharing two toilets was such a torture `cause everyone procrastinates. Haha. But we reached the wedding. Freaking cool. The bride and groom went to their own wedding on a freaking helicopter! Damn amazing alrightttt! Limo is now so passe. Ha. We were the special ones that were being served. Haha, we ended up leaving the place for Starbucks and aircon since we weren`t allowed to sit inside due to the many many guests. Walked around with all the cousins and headed back to Cheras. Had steamboat for dinner, courtesy of Abg Dzul. $500 for 19 people with very big appetite. HAHA. Then today, we had lunch at Tok Tam`s place as a post-wedding lunch for the family members. Catered food w roast lamb, mashed potato and salad. Plus malay fare. Hee. :D I love going to KL, though, it makes me fatter. Hahah. We had A&W toooo. Woo, I`m one happy kid.

Tomorrow would probably be meeting Natasha Marjan. I am still sticking to my words.

Okay, I should probably sleep. Xo

strangers on cosmic journey

2010-01-19T06:17:00.000-08:00

We hold on to a hope, to the hope that tomorrow would be a better day. That all of these are just the rain before the sunshine and rainbow. Maybe after a really long time, I`ve lost sight on what is and isn`t. I`ve lost sight on my goals and aspirations. Maybe, I am a loser in denial. Unable to decipher what is real and unreal, to figure out even the simplest of gestures and to find a witty comeback. I`m indeed a lost cause. I pity my friends most of the time. They worry about me not schooling and still having the cheek to complain about how tough life is when I`m not even studying. I empathised with them because I wouldn`t wanna be friends with me if I were them. Part of me secretly believes that they`re there because they`ve been there for quite a while and succumb to the fact that I am one whiny bitch who is hopeless and in fact, very stupid. Maybe I have hit rock bottom, maybe I do have a problem. I guess I`m just living in denial. I guess I`ve been trying to build my life on the grounds that there`s nothing wrong with me when in actual fact, I am a mess and have always been one. I do not know how many times I fell and tried so hard to get back up. In one of Paulo Coelho books, he writes "the secret in life, though, is to fall seven times and get up eight times." I think I fell and tried to get up a little way over eight times. Maybe what sissy said was true. Maybe I do have a problem, maybe I do act like as if the world revolves around me. One thing is for sure that she`s damn right about, I am a loser. I should have seen this coming, that my life is just a plain joke. I should have just persisted. If I hadn`t been so opinionated and stubborn, it wouldn`t be like this. I wouldn`t feel like such a loser among my friends. I wouldn`t feel ashamed when I go for family gatherings. I wouldn`t feel the need to argue to everyone that just because I`m not schooling, doesn`t make me stupid. I wouldn`t have this shitty feeling. I wouldn`t be bothering Nat with my problems when she has her own. I wouldn`t be typing out this whole shit.

Maybe it`s true. I have hit rock bottom.

xo dhai

under the weather

2010-01-19T00:34:00.000-08:00

And so, I have come to realised that sitting around at home is not only boring but makes me think way too much. Ya, that ain`t good if you know me well. But today, I`ve managed to find many forms of distractions. For example, watching the podium boys` hilarious videos and watching movies online. I guess its really safe to say that I have too much of a free time if I`m not working. Oh well, I managed to do productive things like change my bed sheets and also, clean up my super mini library. Ha. I wanted to iron all my clothes, but, the lazy bug just had to strike me when the thought came flashing through. But the downside of staying at home is too much eating. HAHA. I`ve managed to finish three whole packets of kinder bueno and the bite-sized merci chocolates. Tsk. I wanted to head for a swim but I just realised its raining, what a bummer. Okay, I`m really out of things to do. Tsk. Imma go and chips to read with my books. Ha. Goodbye people. xo

I think I`ve just met you

2010-01-18T08:12:00.000-08:00

Hahahahaha. Okay, I just needed to let that out.

Anyways! I`ve been having a one hell of a time right now. Forgetting things and showing of my bitchy and dramatic side, especially at work. Haha, but all is good, especially with awesome partners. Had a great shift last night; closing with Halimah and Fahmi and Yan as the pre-closer. So, I had to sweep the leaves off the front lawn which was so difficult `cause everytime I swept, the leaves would fall of the trees again. -.- So I went back in and said, "It`s like autumn out there." and everyone laughed. ): So meaaan.

We ended up printing things for our POS card. Hee, I am lovin` mine. :D

Overall, I had a great shift, especially with Halimah being a blonde and me being sucha belo person. I bet Fahmi had a great laugh doing closing with us. Hahaha.

Managed to meet up with the girls last friday too. I have missed em heaps!

Hopefully we can all go swimming soon!

Hee.

So yeah, my life has been all about work and friends. Haha.

What`s new? I`m sorta excited for the KL trip though.

Sorta like an escapade even if it`s just a wedding. Heh.

Well. goodnight!

Hanya ingin kau tahu

2010-01-14T10:05:00.000-08:00

Work was okay. Did closing with Yan B. We did our own things, eventually. I did outside closing while blasting away music while she did inside and talking on the phone. We took our own sweet time and did everything right, I hope. Ha. But I missed out the lepak session at stage w ze homeboys. I`ve missed em and their nonsense. Sigh, maybe next time. I haven`t had time for anyone else besides my partners, nat and the podium boys. Maybe I should start focusing on my life instead of working too much huh. Anyway, I applied for normal polys. Wish me luck aye! If this fails, I am gonna go to Shatec, no questions asked. Or maybe Kaplan la.

Okay, I`ve got to go now. 2nd opener later. -.-

Goodnight world. xo, dhai.

For all the trying times

2010-01-13T10:16:00.000-08:00

It`s not like I don`t want to stay at home. It`s just that I can`t bring myself to sit at home and let all the unnecessary emotions get the better of me. I`ll think too much when I am at home. Like now, for an example. It gets harder when I have people breathing down my neck when they don`t even know any shit that they`re talking about. Seriously, don`t talk to me like as though I`m the one with the problem. You seriously don`t know any single thing and I don`t need you to exercise your freedom of speech right when I`m in the God-forsaken room. You make it sound as though you`re so perfect. Like as though, I`m super flawed. Yes, I know I am flawed; everyone is. It`s just that hearing you say those words, it`s the same as what I said two years ago. When you were doing God-knows-what and only calling once every two-three days, I was stuck here listening to every little crap that you did. So, if I`m not wrong, this is called karma. Sure, you had it worst. But you have no fucking idea how the three years was like. I don`t hate you, in fact, I love you. But I just can`t deal with all these right now. You asked me to grow up faster and pick myself up. Let me ask you this, how the hell am I suppose to pick myself up when the moment I am going to, you guys push me back down. You guys made me hit rock bottom. Okay, not really fully you guys, but, yeah. I am still trying, but, this isn`t working out. I am almost giving up. Almost.

I want to sleep now. Na`night.

xo, dhai

in pursuit of happyness

2010-01-11T08:58:00.000-08:00

So, we celebrated abg young and not-dangerous-at-all`s birthday twice. First at podium then at Sentosa. Podium one was impromptu `cause I happened to do closing and brought cakes along. So, we had a mini-celebration. Ha. The boy was covered with chocolate.

And the next day, we had a drinking session. It was damn hilarious and everyone was damn high. We sabo-ed him with flour and egg on that night. HAHAH.

And he had to wear granny panties. HA.

I hope you enjoyed your birthday celebrations! (:

E: I`m in miami bitch.

N: Palawan la.

E: Okay fine. I`m in Palawan bitch.

And thanks to NATASHA MARJAN.

The people in the picture above are going to dress up as clowns on my birthday.

THANKS EH. I`m so going to buy cans of insecticides to spray yall if you come near me.

Or at worst, stay at home on my birthday ah. TSK.

I took back my love already. HAHAHA.

Yay, charcos tomorrow. I am already starving.

Hello misery

2010-01-06T05:58:00.000-08:00

Hello world. You have no idea how hard I'm trying to change but with each passing day, it gets harder. I know I shouldn't give any reason or explainations because they're my own mistakes. My own faults and failures that I'm trying to bury. Sissy told me to get up and grow up. She asked me how long more do I need to give myself. I'm already hitting rock bottom. That sucks even worst. I don't know world. I think I'm losing myself and losing touch in reality. Sigh.

against the universe

2010-01-04T07:35:00.000-08:00

My sister made me open up my eyes on New year`s eve. What she said made total sense and I guess, I`ve been pretty oblivious to that fact. It was only when she said it that I realised that she has been right all along. I guess I have been living in oblivion. She told me to stop bottling things up and pick myself up because no one would wait that long for me. I feel shitty when I think back about it but I guess, it hurts to be kind. I`ve gotta grow up one way or another. I know I can`t have the entire world at the palm of my hand. I need to stop acting like a kid and being all pampered. I need to stop pushing people away or being dependant on good company. I need to learn to be independent and be my own resource. I need to learn to be tougher and stronger than I am. I need to learn all that now. Because, I need to learn to pick myself up when I fall down again. But right now, I just need some time alone. From everyone.

"Everyone falls down. It`s just how fast you pick yourself up."

2010-01-04T03:57:00.000-08:00

It`s really scary to actually sit down and realise that it`s already 2010. How time zoomed by us just like that huh? Alot of things have changed in 2009 for me. I lost a couple of friends but I managed to make plenty of awesome ones. I learnt a whole lot of new things too and all that makes me a stronger person for 2010. 2009, you have been intense. You made me hit rock bottom, pushing people away. You left me broken beyond repair time after time. You tested my patience, making me one hell of a grumpy bitch. But best of all, you showed me who are my real friends. You showed me that I am stronger than I thought I was. You showed me a whole lot of things that would help me in my 2010 journey.

xo, dhaifina

whatcha say?

2010-01-02T03:28:00.000-08:00

Heheheh.
It`s a lil late. Haha, like 4 days late but Happy new year!
Have an awesome 2010, yeah? (:

Oh well, I had a great time during the last week of 2009.
Thanks to the people in the pictures above. Heh.

HELLO 2010!

2009-12-31T21:46:00.001-08:00

Hey babies. Haven`t got the time to update a proper one so I`ll keep it short and sweet alright? The last week of 2009 has been awesome shit. Apart from a few shitty details, but, what`s life without any downfall right? Ha. Been spending the days with Nat and her group of friends. They are damn hilarious and very random, I swear.

Been having much fun w em. Hahah. Okay, I need to go eat now. Nat`s at my place. Heheh.
Bye! :D

don`t stop

2009-12-28T08:50:00.000-08:00

Can you believe that time passed by way too fast?! New year`s eve is this coming thursday! Good God, 2009 is coming to an end. As much as I loved bits and pieces of 2009, I cannot wait to embrace 2010. I am still hoping for better days, to say the least. Oh well, I am going to go all out for the entire week. Ha, I think I`m probably part wondergirl or something, trying to juggle a really tight social schedule this week and work. Hopefully, I won`t faint halfway through or something right? So, we`ll see huh.

Anyway! Today, I went bowling with the Escape babies! (: It was a last minute plan. `Cause I was actually pretty lazy. But thank God, Nat and Endika picked me up after work and we headed over to downtown with their boys. Haha, it was a very hilarious car rides with their funny jokes and all. I think if they hadn`t pick me up, I would have gone home and slept. Hee. I improved alot on bowling! Yay! Hahaha. But I had a great time catching up with the boys and of course, Fatynn!

I can`t wait for tomorrow, wild wild wet with Nat. :D

Sexcited! Hehehe.

Okay, I shall sleep. Goooood night, world.

use somebody

2009-12-27T07:57:00.000-08:00

As you can see, I am very bored today. Haha. I spent the whole day at home again. Oh right, not really the whole day `cause I spent all afternoon at my aunt`s. Haha, anyway today`s shows on the telly is too good to give a miss, so, I decided to buy a bag of Ruffles and sit infront of the telly all the way from 6pm to 12am. Sooooo PBG right, but, who cares. hehehe, I`m one happy kid. Oh yeah, I watched Step Up on channel 5 `cause I love Channing Tatum T-H-A-T much. But, it kinda upsets me `cause it is about dancing. Speaking of Channing Tatum, I really cannot wait for Dear John to start screening!! I am effin` excited about it that I will buy the freaking preview tickets if I have to kay. HAHA. Then I watched the 1st hour of Sg Idol `cause Dark knight was at 9pm. I still don`t think anyone should win `cause both of `em don`t sound good. But I think Sezairi is pretty good. But, my one and only Sg Idol is really Taufik. Hehe. And I just heard Sezairi won. Haha, it`s like woah, a malay guy winning Sg Idol. Haven`t we heard of that two idols ago? -.- So anyway, back to the Dark Knight. One of my favourite movies and it`s fucking awesome `cause Heath Ledger`s acting was indeed awesome. Heheheh. "Why so serious?!"

Anyway, I realised that I didn`t type this out in paragraphs and almost the whole chunk is pointless. But..... who cares? I`m not really into the mood of airing out my dirty laundry to the whole world, even if it`s just ranting out my feelings. I think I`ve said enough on this site of mine. kthxbye.

baby by me

2009-12-25T08:16:00.000-08:00

So, I shall just type out a quick update before I fall into sleep. I`m having a massive headache right now. I`m gonna pop two pills of panadol extra and fall into a deep slumber before mom wakes me up at 6am for my shift. Ha.

Today was pretty good. I didn`t have to come to work. I spent the day with the family and had dinner over at Swensen`s at TM. We were at town and we had to go all the way back to Tampines because my dear brother is too effin` lazy to have dinner at Town. Then, I had to go all the way to City Hall to meet up with Ath and Sha. Haha, but, it was all good. Except that the stupid Birkenstock store wasn`t open and we were all anticipating for birks purchases. HAHAHA. :p

I shall head down there tomorrow to get it then. Yay!

Okay, this post is probably pointless. I had alot to blog about but the headache is just making me woosy. I should sleep. Good night, world.

your satellite heart

2009-12-24T10:01:00.000-08:00

It`s definitely one of the days whereby I feel that reality is a bit too much and I wish to drown myself in surrealism. Ha, like that is even possible. I should probably start doing things that needs to be done instead of hoping for things that wouldn`t even come true. Uhuh, I guess I gotta get my ass down to NYP before 5th of Jan so I can get started on things. 2010 is going to be my big break and I ain`t sitting by the sidelines anymore. I ain`t going to sit around and go through motions like I always do. I gotta do something with my life. Right, I just need a motivation. Ha.

Anyway, I can`t wait for next week. A totally packed week with all the wonderful people. Hee.

I can`t wait, especially for New Year`s Eve!

Okay, I feel like munching on something. Good night lovelies. (:

downright empty

2009-12-22T10:09:00.000-08:00

I`m sorry if I neglected this space of mine. I`m way more active in Tumblr and Twitter these days. I guess I`ll only update here if I`m bored or wanting to rant publicly. Ha.

So anyway, last week`s events got me thinking a whole lot deeper. Plus, the boys have been lecturing me about going drinking and all. It sure does irritate the hell out of me but I know they`re just concerned about my well-being. They`re nice like that.

I sure as hell don`t know what I`m trying to do. I`ve screwed up loads of things and everything is all so overwhelming.I shall not even touch on the affair of the heart `cause life is already complicated enough without it. But my friends reckon I need a boyfriend to ease my mind. Rightttttt, like that will ever help. I don`t know, most of the time I feel like I`m trying so hard to please everyone. If only I can split myself into two, three or four, that`d be awesome enough. I am trying so hard to do everything at once that it pisses me off when I screw things up. Prolly it`s my fault for wanting to do that in the first place, but, it feels like shit. I feel like shit. I don`t want to actually confide into anyone because I know everyone has their own shit to care about. I don`t want to be a burden and worry like I was last Saturday. It was all my fault and I`m really sorry if I worried you guys. See, I can`t even trust myself to not worry anyone.

Ah fuck it. I should prolly keep whatever`s in my mind stay up there.

tonight`s gonna be a good night

2009-12-18T09:36:00.000-08:00

T`was an awesome week. :D
Sunday was spent w D`Escapees; Town and Grandlink for a karaoke session.
Monday; work and met up w Haliejah and Diana Iar! <3
Tuesday; work and Adzri Jumsi came down to store. Plus, slack session w ze boys at Alfresco.
Thursday; Grandlink w D`Escapees and 3-in-the-morning slack session w Fiq, Khai R and Nat.
Friday; Slack session at the usual territory w Yammy R Pane! <3

And and, tomorrow Nat`s chalet w ze girlszszs.
:D Hee, blame it on the a-a-a-alcohol~

escape the lies

2009-12-12T03:57:00.000-08:00

I told my mom I am in need of a break.

Terribly.

I need to get away from everything.

Bad habit

2009-12-08T08:47:00.000-08:00

I`ll always run and hide when it comes to love.

I`ll always look the other way when I feel like someone is actually getting close to my heart.

I have no qualms about being alone, but, I sure as hell don`t like being lonely.

Am I being cynical here?

Sure, I do want to have someone there for me. Having someone who cares about me and be there for me 24/7 would be a great thing. Having someone who knows when to back off if I`m having a bad day and to know when to come in if I need a shoulder to lean on. I want someone who makes me feel special and at the same time, doesn`t want me to change a single thing about myself. I want someone who can speak their mind even though it is going to sting me a little and willing to right my wrongs when it comes to my bad decisions. I want someone who is supportive and willing to sit down with me just to accompany me watch airplanes. I want someone who knows me well enough that they`ll know what is bothering me without having me to tell them a single thing.

Basically, I want someone who can break the wall around my heart and tell everything to without having to say anything.

But, the chances of that happening is close to impossible, no?

'Cause what you want is right here

2009-12-01T09:33:00.000-08:00

I hate the fact that you`re always getting all worked up over nothing.
It`s like you`re accusing me of things that I didn`t do.
And when I actually want to do things, you`ll be all dramatic.
Using reverse psychology by telling me that I should if I don`t respect you.
You get paranoid and your imagination is so fucking wild that you think every time I go out, bad luck would befall on me.
WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU THINKING?
STOP BRINGING ME DOWN AND STOP BEING IRRITATING, REALLY.
`CAUSE ITS REALLY GETTING ON MY NERVES.
I haven`t had the chance to actually go out okay.
I stepped into TM today after two weeks. That`s how busy I have been.
You don`t know that, do you?
I`ve been working my ass off that I don`t even get to see my friends.
The only people that I meet every single day are my partners.
Fuck, you`re fucking spoiling my mood okay.
Like really, stop thinking of the worst for me.
Stop tryna use reverse psychology and stop bringing up the goddamn past.
What is over is already over. No point tryna bring it up.
You`re making the relationship between us even strained than it already is, Mommy.
Sometimes, I wished you`d just back off.
Really.

sweet escape

2009-11-20T22:51:00.000-08:00

I am still trying to save.

But it`s hard. I probably need a motivation huh.

Okayy. I really, really want to go to Sydney before March.

Hahahaha, or perth.

Whichever la. As long as I get to lepak by the beach and travel around the place, I`m cool yo.

No wait, as long as I`m out of Singapore, everything is fine.

HEHEHE.

Okay, I shall start saving now!

Bondi Beach is calling my name. :D

Dear hottie

2009-11-19T08:58:00.000-08:00

Despite the failed plans. (Tsk!)

I managed to do something productive and meet a long lost friend of mine. Okay, I`m exaggerating here. HAHAHAH. I met up with Faris after a really really long time!
Hahaha, I`ve missed this baby boy over here. (Hee, inside joke.)

Went to Simei to grab a bite before heading down to parkway.
At first, I planned to go down alone. But I managed to persuade Bart to come down.
More and more people were there!
Heeeeee. Plenty of bitchiness and laughter, including, indon and pinoy-accent conversations.
HAHAHA.
Then they all decided to go to JB at night. ):
Daaaaamn, I should prolly bring my passport wherever I go now!
Hahaha, I am damn sad uh.
Was looking forward to it lor. Sianzszszs.

Bottomline is that I should bring it wherever I go `cause Zam is really very random.
Tsk.

Okay bye.

all the crazy shit I did tonighttttt

2009-11-18T04:56:00.000-08:00

Last saturday night was shitloads of fun.

Though I didn`t manage to actually see Aldrin, but, I had a good time at phuture.

Only the last bit pissed me off like crazy.

Thank God, Pitz accompanied me throughout so I wouldn`t fall asleep.

Hahah. The next time Imma try going with them.

I had to give Rebel a miss tonighttttttttt! ):

`Cause I`m sick. Dang.

But who cares, Rebel ain`t gonna walk up and leave right.

Next week okay, babies! :D

My paydaaaaay is coming real, real soon. Hahaha.

Like I said, I`m lovin` the november air.

Yeap, november has been crazy fun.

Not forgetting, JB trip tomorrow.

Yay!

In the november rain

2009-11-18T04:13:00.000-08:00

I`m loving November more and more.

And no, there isn`t any guy involved.

Just an awesome group of people.

Friends from all walks of life.

And I love every single one of them.

Hehehehe.

hot mess

2009-11-17T07:58:00.000-08:00

I`ve been a mess of the late.

It sucks to be like this, y`know.

Daaaaaang.

I`m scared shitless with what would happen if I let my emotions get the better of me.

Sigh.

How come I cannot be as strong as how everyone expects me to be?

Oh weeell.

Let thursday be a okay-go please.

poker-faced

2009-11-04T02:18:00.000-08:00

NCSU dinner and dance 2009

Theme: Thai

Venue: D'marquee

HAHAHAH.

I had a great time.

Eating, drinking and getting high.

Watching people get drunk and wasted. Heh!

At first, I wasn`t really enthusiastic about it.

But it was alright halfway through. Heh.

Especially when you-know-who turned up. :D

"Are you ready for some more shots?"

Hehehe.

Yay, CDM next friday with Faris and Nat.

down to the last drop

2009-11-02T22:37:00.000-08:00

I don`t feel good.
Honestly, I feel lazy to even go there.
Plus, I have not gotten my resignation form.
So, I can`t really say that I want to quit.
Plus, I don`t feel like meeting the people there.

Sigh.

Anyway, I`m somehow looking forward to doing closing on thursday and friday.
Woooo, new experience again.
Cheers.

Escape into the Halloween night

2009-10-30T23:15:00.000-07:00

So, I proceeded to ETP after work.

In the same clothes I wore for work, with zero makeup on.

I practically dragged my tired and very lazy body over to Downtown in the rain.

And the very people who planned it, ditched.

Because of the heavy rain that stopped after awhile `cause it was just passing clouds.

And apparently, the weather was so good for them to sleep and relax.

But a big thank you to ya`ll eh for ditching.

I cancelled a few partying plans, y`know!

Pfffffffffffft.

Anyway, enough about it.

I`ll forgive ya`ll. HAHA. :p

Escape to Helloween wasn`t as much fun as it was last year.

And I know `cause I was one of the many guests around. Haha.

Most of the rides were down. Nothing exciting.

I was looking forward to the snake part, but zero. LOL.

But the best thing was, no clowns to come and chase me. HAHAHAH.

I don`t know half of the people in Escape now.

But I`m glad that I managed to see my "band of brothers" HAHAHAHAHAHAH.

Haha, you have no idea how much I`ve missed em! :D

All in all, I was glad I managed to see familiar faces.

Though there`s no denying how much I miss working there. But oh well.

Cheers!

who could deny us of this burning flames?

2009-10-27T08:14:00.000-07:00

I`ve been one very busy individual.

HAHAHAH.

But I managed to meet my two home girls; Ath and Sha.

And also some of the boyxsxsx.

Oh my, how I`ve missed them so much. Tsk.

We had dinner at Food Culture and slacked till about 9plus.

Had a small hearty talk with the girls.

Well, you know I love you both and will always be there for the two of you.

Came home to dad online shopping again. Tsk.

Tempted me into going online shopping for shoes again.

I can never be satisfied with the bags and shoes that I have right now.

I am eying on plenty of shoes! :D

Well. Doing opening tomorrow and having class at 6pm.

Sigh, commonwealth again. -.-

Anyone with bike/car willing to pick me up?

HAHAHAHAH.

Will continue my search for hot kicks.

Bye!

maybe we`re empty

2009-10-24T08:01:00.000-07:00

I have work at 9 tomorrow.

Plus, training at 6 afterwards. Tsk.

I am damn exhausted.

My stomach hurts like crazyyy! -.-

But, I am damn happy that I finally bought a new bag and a pair of shoes.

Hehehehe.

Imma get another pair of high-top sneakers or Doc Martens.

Super duper excited!

Yaaaaaaaayyy! :D

Right at the borderline

2009-10-21T09:09:00.000-07:00

Traaaaaining tomorrow!

I`m freaking nervousssss. Howwwwwwww?

Breathe dhai, remember to breathe. HAHAH.

Ohhhhh.

On a totally random note, I missss *inserts name here*

HEHEHEH.

That`s how we roll

2009-10-21T08:34:00.000-07:00

Don`t mind my chinese-looking face okay.

Focus on the minah-wannabe in blue. HEEEE.

Many many thanks to NURZARIAH BINTE ZAINUDDIN for just now.

This woman can really make me laugh till I forgot I placed my ezlink card in Lala`s cover. HAHAHA. Thaaaaanks eh!

That was like the best laughing session I`ve had in weeks. :D

Thank you for being the crazy, chaotic and kanchiong person that you are.

For being so cacat that it is seriously hilarious.

For always being there for me throughout the entire of 2009.

For always being my dosage of laughter at any given moment.

For always providing me with sensible advices. (Sometimes only sensible kay. HAHA)

For always giving me motivation and encouragement.

For being my partner-in-crime in all the sneaky things that we`ve done/planned.

For being my gossip partner and smoking kaki.

For being the one who shares my food but feeling-feeling want to diet. HAHA.

For being the one who says the wrong things with confidence. HAHAHAHAH.

Okay, my english is probably bloody horrible here.

Hahaha, but heck it, `cause it can never measure up to jolly good time I`ve spent working with you. Heee.

(I KNOW I AM SWEEEET RIGHT. D`YOU FEEL DIABETIC? HEHEHEHEH)

You know I won`t be forever

2009-10-16T07:58:00.001-07:00

I simply love the way things are right now.

Albeit some tight spots here and there, but definitely, way better than before.

And no, not because of a boy.

You know I don`t roll with boys. HAHA.

I can`t wait to start working at Store!

Very excited but nervous! :D

Oh wellllll, hopefully all would go well.

I heard that you`re a heartbreaker

2009-10-15T00:44:00.000-07:00

I am still sleepy after a 7 hours sleep. Weird, right?

Anyway, my schedule is damn packed for next week.

Like the entire 7 days of the bloody week.

Hopefully all will be smooth and not clash with anything.

Otherwise, I`d be dead meat. Pffft.

But, it`s a good thing, I guess. Keeps me busy, other than, rotting around at home.

Heee. I am so looking forward to it! :D

Okay, gotta head now.

Toooooodles!

angsty

2009-10-13T23:23:00.000-07:00

You are seriously one very fucked up person, y`know.

Blaming us for what has happened.

How do you fucking know it`s not about you or your dearest sons?

How the hell do you fucking know that it`s our fucking fault when it can fucking well be theirs or even yours?

Fucking shocking right?

Why are you fucking still here when you fucking scold us about not being there?

You watching your fucking lame tv drama when you should fucking be there.

Talk about some fucking contradiction right.

You should fucking look in the mirror or look at your fucking sons and know that they are not who you think they are.

Stop being all over us, acting like we`re some fucking bad seed when your other two are fucking worst.

Don`t get me started on your first.

He may be my fucking brother but he ain`t an angel.

A fucking hypocrite, that`s what he is.

You`re giving off bullshit and getting on our case like we`re the only two fucking people in the house.

Like hello.

Stop screaming all over the house like some psychotic bitch.

`Cause all that you`re fucking doing right now is pissing us off.

I fucking told you that I got a new job and what did you fucking said?

Okay right, you fucking well said okay.

Then now you`re flipping about how I am having a new job. WHATTA FUCK, WOMAN!

It`s my problem if I have one two or three jobs.

You`d love it better if I drop dead outta exhaustion right.

Fucking hell.

Thanks to you, I`d prolly have tons of sins right now.

You should fucking reflect on yourself.

Look at what you`ve done to us, to me.

Sometimes, I wonder if I was born to the wrong family.

secret love, my escape

2009-10-13T09:09:00.001-07:00

Y'know, I have always been wondering how you were doing.

Or if you`re still alive.

As much as I want you to be alive but miserable at its best,

I hope you`re doing well.

I hope you are blessed with all the good things in life.

I hope you`re very happy with your life.

I`ve missed you so much, bro.

And now, I don`t believe in relationships.

I don`t believe two is better than one.

I don`t believe in love and all that comes along with it.

All because of you.

But, I thank you.

`Cause now, I know nobody has what it takes to crack my shell and know me really, really well.

I know nobody could ever let me let my guard down.

I know nobody would be good enough to be close to my heart.

give me one and i`ve seen `em all

2009-10-13T08:58:00.000-07:00

1st impression was today.

It was for a short while `cause Abg Sam has a meeting.

Got to meet Nadine who is starting the same time as me.

And I swear I didn`t know she`s malay till I met her!

Prolly `cause of the name, which, is her real name btw.

Yuna Andin is in the same class as me!

Small world rightttttt?

Class was pretty okay.

Dry, but, okay la.

Gastric pains during the class was really uncomfortable.

Luckily, I have someone living in the east side as the rest are staying in the North/West.

Hahah. Okay, gotta go.

Classes tomorrow, again.

Na`nighttttttt, world!

I`ll meet you halfway

2009-10-12T08:52:00.000-07:00

1st impression tomorrow at 11am.
Class starts tomorrow at 6pm till 10pm, commonwealth.

But the thing is,
I`m still having the weekend mood.
HAHAHAH.

"Just one night couldn`t be so wrong"

Where my party people at?

2009-10-11T09:13:00.000-07:00

Awesome atmosphere, incredible company & great music.

T`was an awesome 18th celebration.

Heeee.

Yay for being legal.

Let`s do this again! :D

Advanced.

2009-10-08T07:28:00.000-07:00

I spent my advanced birthday with my best girlfriend.

We watched (500) days of Summer which is seriously a cute movie.

Zooey Deschanel is soooo pretty!

You guys should catch it, albeit, draggy but really sweet.

Then we headed back to Tamp for a dinner at F.I.S.H.

The ambience is okay, but, food was below standard.

The salad bar was pretty cool though.

Then came the cake surprise.

At first, there was this auntie who got the birthday surprise thing too.

I told Jarnah, "OMG, if I was her, I`d be super embarrassed lah!"

Then came my turn, totally off-guard.

But it was pretty cool with the fire sparklers and a polaroid picture.

My birthday present from Jarnah is super dope man!

Illustrated photo of me on the paper bag, package and card.

The card is seriously effing cool that I`m going to post up the pictures here.

I had fun, but, the period made me cranky more than once. Hahah.

COOOOOOL, RIGHTTT!

Heee.

Below are pictures inside the black book!

Well, some of `em that is.

My sister and younger brother got me the night light and also that Diva bangle with the tag on!

Heee.

and the one on the right is also from the bestfriend.

Good night, world.

fuck this shit

2009-10-03T20:39:00.000-07:00

This sucks.
I miss ETP a whole lot.

It`s fucking idiotic.
And I should have fucking stood up for my rights.
I wonder why the fuck is this all happening.

come on and fly with me

2009-09-23T07:54:00.000-07:00

Nothing feels right anymore.

Fuck, I don`t know what to do with this feeling.

It is getting a tad bit overwhelming.

I can`t wait for the Eid outings with friends.

when you`re gone

2009-09-21T08:48:00.000-07:00

This year`s Eid seems to be a little bit more happening than the previous year.

I can`t wait to visit mom`s side of the family next week.

I`ve come to realise that Eid is earlier this year.

And Ramadan passed in blink.

Sigh.

Granny`s death anniversary is around the corner.

She passed away during Ramadan in 2007 on 1st Oct.

I guess you really have to make full use of Ramadan `cause you may never know that the previous one might be your last.

Gosh, thinking of her is already making me tear up.

I shall go for a run tomorrow.

I`m still waiting for pictures from Abg Dzul`s DSLR.

Till next timeeeee.

Selamaaaaaat Hari Raya!

2009-09-20T08:47:00.000-07:00

Hey folkssss!

Finally, I am so damn tired!

For the first time in a really long time, there was suddenly a crowd full of people over at my place on the first day of Eid!

Pure madnessss, I tell ya!

Anyways, first day was pretty alright.

Eid prayers was fine and dandy.

Food for Eid was sinfully delicious!

Ketupat, rendang, sambal goreng pengantin and ayam masak merah.

WOOOOOOOO, HEAVEN Y`KNOW!

Plus, the ketupat pulut and serunding at nenek`s place was like the cherry on top of the ice cream. HEEEEE.

Fattening, but worth every calorie.

Hee, so this year, we chilled around the house; watching TV, taking turns for the OTO massage chair and Guitar Hero!!

Took plenty of photos this year and I can`t wait to get my hands on `em.

My nieces and nephews came over to my place and I swear, they are such a handful!

Extremely naughty, but cute! Hahahaha.

But its alright, I only see them annually.

Eid part two with daddy`s side of the familia.

Till tomorrow, xoxo.

Bila takbir bergema

2009-09-19T06:05:00.000-07:00

I would like to wish all my friends a Happy Eid Mubarak.

I would also like to take this opportunity to seek forgiveness for all my wrongdoings and the hurt that I`ve caused.

For every harsh words that I`ve said and wrongful acts.

May you all have a wonderful Eid, digging in all those sinful indulgence!

Heh, and so, my Eid greeting have always been in english.

`Cause my malay is simply atrocious.

But, I shall be nice and type out a greeting in malay.

Just for ya`ll.

(DON`T LAUGH EH!)

Salam lebaran pada semua umat Islam yang sedang membaca blog in.

Saya ingin meminta maaf dengan tulus ikhlas untuk segala kesalahan saya kepada anda semua.

Saya meminta maaf jika terkasar bahasa, bergurau hingga menyinggung hati dan semuanya.

Harap halalkan segala makanan dan minuman saya.

SELAMAT HARI RAYA!

Salam sayang, dhaifina dasri (dhaify olvr)

HEH HEH, SO THERE YOU GO.

HORRIBLE MALAY.

Will post more. Am gonna watch TV now.

Eid specials. :D

Berlalulah sudah Ramadhan

2009-09-18T09:59:00.000-07:00

Today marks the last day of the fasting month.

Time flies by so fast that it is almost too scary.

I only managed 3-4 terawih prayers during the entire month.

And it doesn`t make me feel good about celebrating Eid.

Albeit the new clothes, goodies and what nots,

the eid feeling have yet to kick in.

Come to think of it, I don`t feel excited one bit.

And I honestly have no idea why.

Dear *insert name*,

Your birthday was a few days ago.

I hope you`re alive and well.

Frankly speaking, I`ve missed you.

Happy eighteenth.

May you be blessed with all the good things in life.

Na`night

Service is....

2009-09-15T09:10:00.000-07:00

My boss is super amusing.

The EXSA course happens to be today and starts at 9am.

He texted all of us reminding us that the course is today.

He texted us at 815am.

This calls for *crick crick*

HAHAHAHA.

Anyway, the course was super dry and seriously not entertaining.

We were told to wear shoes/sandals, yet, some of them wore flip flops.

It was super mundane that all of us weren`t really paying attention.

There was, of course, some funny parts when Azura was supposed to cut queue and interrupt Mitchell. AHAHA, that was seriously damn hilarious.

Other than that, it was pretty boring.

Watched "I love you, Beth Cooper" afterwards since we wanted to kill time to break fast.

We decided to break our fast at Alfresco since Siti Aisha had to be at work by 2030.

So, Natasha and I slacked around pasir ris park since it was too early to head home.

Oh, most of the photos are up on Facebook.

For happy pills iftar and Sri`s belated celebration.

I shall persuade daddy to let me rebond my hair on his tab.

And I`ll pay him back next month.

My curls are getting curlier and its driving me insane. Tsk.

My eyelids are getting heavier.

Till next time. (:

somebody call 911

2009-09-14T00:29:00.000-07:00

Goooooooood Afternoooon, folks! (:

Heh heh, I`ve just finished spring cleaning my room.

Well, half of it actually.

I don`t know what else is there to do since the bibik cleaned my dressing table, arranged my books & bags, put up the curtains and cleaned my wardrobe. Heh heh.

But my mom still reckons that the room isn`t clean enough. What the.

Anyway, I`ve still got the rest of the house to clean, follow mumsy to get groceries for Raya`s eve cooking, put up curtains at the TV room and throw away the freaking cupboard.

Tsk, my brother has a bloody bad habit of doing things halfway.

Tomorrow is the course for the silver award.

I don`t feel like going, but, its mandatory. -.-

Oh well.

I still don`t feel psyched for Hari Raya. Pfft.

two is better than one

2009-09-13T09:13:00.000-07:00

Woah, its been ages since I last posted on blogger.

I`m exhausted due to the fact that I`ve been working non-stop for the past 8 days.

Yes, totally exhausting that I broke my fast twice.

Hahaha, my willpower isn`t as strong at work as it is at home.

Pfffft, luckily the one week holidays are over.

Anyway, I`ve chopped off my long hair.

Now its shoulder-length.

Pfft, my waves are pretty much visible and my curls are gonna pop out real soon.

I`ve gotta go and straighten my hair. Sheesh.

Raya is next week. -.-

My mom decided to bake and so, my house will smell of prunes and what nots.

My room is still as messy as it was last week.

The raya mood have yet to kick in `cause it just doesn`t feel Raya is around the corner for me.

I don`t feel psyched for Raya, unfortunately.

I`ve got to go and get some rest.

Till next time, lovelies.

distressed tresses

2009-09-03T23:43:00.000-07:00

I am gonna chop off my hair.
HAHAHA, the weather is too hot and my thick hair is just making me even more cranky.
I`m sure my head would feel alot lighter after a haircut. Hahah!

But darn,
I don`t know what style should I cut.
Pffft.

I`d give up forever

2009-09-03T07:36:00.000-07:00

I don`t know what is happening or what just happened.

I feel like I`m crumbled into tiny pieces.

Feelings show

2009-08-31T10:40:00.000-07:00

It feels weird being like this.
The situation is all too familiar.
Its like deja vù all over again.

My heart is my weakest point

2009-08-29T10:56:00.000-07:00

Despite having people all around me telling me that I still have the strength,

I feel indifferent.

All these while I wrote about having the strength to go through those things,

it was a pack of bullshit I`ve spun.

When in actual fact,

it breaks me down to bits and pieces.

It eats me up inside, inevitably making me even more vulnerable than I already am.

Would I be able to float?

Bright lights and still water

2009-08-28T10:49:00.001-07:00

It feels like I`m treading the waters.
You don`t know how close I am to drowning.
You just don`t know when to quit, don`t you?

Aside the bad stuffs, I managed to watch a movie today on Mio.

*drum rolls*

The boy in the stripped pyjamas

Its a pretty sad movie, moved me to tears.
I have no idea why movies that has something to do with Germany during the Nazi regime interests me. Pffft.
I am not sadistic okay, its just interesting.
I still find the concentration camp horrible, and believe me, you can somehow feel their torture when you stepped into that place.
Though, it doesn`t look like one right now but the pictures would enough to make you flinch.
And their sufferings are vague to us.

Like I said, fasting month makes me wonder about things more than I am supposed to.
Hahaha.
Anyway, can`t wait for tomorrow.
Hopefully, it`ll work out.

Na`nightttttt, loves! (:

Carpe diem

2009-08-26T03:34:00.000-07:00

It means, "Seize the day"

Honestly, I thought that the phrase was pretty stupid.
We should plan for our future, ensuring that it would be as bright as possible.
Taking things day by day just seems a little too inappropriate, right?

But, something happened that proved to me otherwise.

We can`t honestly plan for true love and marriage right?
And we can`t even plan for our career, not in this economic crisis.
Taking things one day at a time would be a perfect way to clear our minds.
Get a new perspective of everything, like a fresh start.

We don`t know what is going to happen tomorrow.
We might not know if Death befalls on anyone of us or even the people closest to us.
They say, "You won`t know a good thing till its gone."
We only start to appreciate the littlest things in life only when we`re robbed out of one, yes?
Of course, there is a limit to how we`re going to enjoy before we aren`t able to.
But, you get the rough idea, right?
Reality would bite but let`s just live for the moment. (:

"Seize the day and place no trust in tomorrow"

-Adapted from Wikipedia

Okay, pardon me.
Fasting month brought out all the questions within me.
Yay, breaking fast is in a few minutes.
Cheers!

one and the same

2009-08-25T06:21:00.000-07:00

Its pretty irritating to have a plethora of voices in your head telling you to do this or that.
It seems like I`m back to square one right now.
Back to where I was June 2008.
Honestly speaking, it doesn`t feel as bad as it should be.

I need a break, to clear my thoughts and all.
But I have to wait till Hari Raya ends.
November, it is then.

Hopefully, it`ll fall through.
I think a break away from Singapore would do me a world of good.

I`m not looking forward for Hari Raya or my birthday month. Period.

we`re on a crash course

2009-08-23T09:08:00.000-07:00

Oh my god. Things are freaking screwed up that I want to vomit blood right now.
I am so disappointed with myself. Sigh.

I wanna be your allstar

2009-08-21T10:33:00.000-07:00

Hello. Heee.
I'm currently in the room and suddenly had the sudden urge to blog. Weird, I know.
Anywayy, today was pretty okay.

- caught movie with Ath, Hasz and Nat @ CWP.

- went to town to walk around.

- settled down near cathay to bitch and slack.

Hahaha! Had a considerably okay time as compared to the rest of the week!

Fasting month commences today!
Damn, i've got to put a stop to the swearing and the cursing!
But, I've developed a solution; counting to 50!

Haha, hopefully it'll work. :D

Na'night and have a fruitful fasting month!
Filter all yall's mouth, kay! Haha.

Reach your heart, then touch mine.

2009-08-20T07:25:00.000-07:00

For some inexplicable reasons,

I feel very much at ease.

I don`t know why, though.

That`s the way it is.

I`ve been slogging my ass out at home `cause my dad wants things to be done before the fasting month.

Which would be the day after tomorrow.

Tsk.

Oh well, I shall indulge myself in the chocolate milk sissy made and read my book quietly.

Cheers!

Coolest kid on the block

2009-08-19T09:58:00.000-07:00

Happy pink family!

My sister, monstar and thyself.

Birthday monstar, all up and energetic. She loves balloons!

Tishkut and me.

Ballooooons!

Mia is super clever and adorable, y`know!

Cutting the cake. She was a tad bit cranky, though.

Birthday girl in the tutu skirt. Cute.

The oh-so cute birthday cake! Sinfully delicious too!

Okayy, some of the pictures are up!

Monstar turned one last monday, but, her rocking party was on Sunday!

She looks super fly with the tutu skirt and `em hot kicks.

Especially with the hot yellow convertible she received, didn`t even have to wait till she`s 18!

Hahahaha.

Anyway, food was super nice and thank god, I`ve got Hakim, Tishkut and Mia to entertain me.

Mia is super cute and very smart.

Monstar was cranky during the cutting cake part though, I guess that`s `cause there were too many people.

Hahaha, but she was okay after a nap and was chasing `em balloons.

Opening presents ceremony was cool.

The Juicy Couture swimming suit looks super cute and definitely, monstar would be the coolest kid in the pool. No doubt.

Hee.

Okay, that`s about it for Monstar`s first birthday bash.

Hahaha.

Happy belated birthday Nurnatasha bte Razmy!

I`m a canvas, paint me

2009-08-18T11:29:00.000-07:00

I personally feel that my tagboard is full of cobwebs.

Tag, people, tag!

Pretty, pretty please. :D

Anyway, I`ve been too busy painting and cleaning up the house.

Its too tiring, really.

It feels like Hari Raya is coming a tad bit too soon, no?

Fasting month is only three days away.

I can`t wait for it to come `cause I get to shed some kilos and of course, save up.

But on a bad note, work + fasting = no go.

Oh well, I must resist all temptations, right?

Come to think of it, I think its pretty good that fasting month is coming.

I can tone down on the swearing. Hee.

Yes, no swearing for a month!

Challenging or what. Hahaha.

I`ve been reading fashion blogs during my free time.

`Cause I`m all out of shows since most of the tv series would be screening their next season in two weeks time, I think.

I`m really, really tempted to change my entire wardrobe.

Or at most, to buy loads of things.

Heh heh.

Well, shopping is any girl`s favourite therapy session.

I can`t wait to get new kick(s).

Steve Madden`s sandals are like a siren song, luring me in.

I saw a pretty pair of low wedges the other day at some random shop!

Plus, I want to get a harem pants too.

They`re really versatile and looks comfy!

Okay, too many things on my list!

Cash cash, where for art thou?

Okay, I think the lethargy is just about to kick in.

I shall read fashion blogs like a bedtime story, now.

Cheers, lovelies!

Its hurting me, but never you.

2009-08-16T09:24:00.000-07:00

I don`t believe in luck or hope.

However, I do believe that everything happens for a reason.

But now, even that is slowly crashing and burning.

This is probably my mood swing talking.

But heck it, I feel pretty damn sick.

And I definitely don`t mean the viral kind.

This is, without a doubt, the most challenging month ever.

Will update more on Tasha`s birthday later. (:

you bleed just to know you`re alive

2009-08-14T09:15:00.000-07:00

I feel like venting my anger here, but I shall try to remain calm.

Oh well.

I think I`m quite accustomed to all these things.

I`m quite numb to the horrendous feeling, anyway.

So, it kills me to say that you don`t get to feel the satisfaction of bringing me down.

You may never will.

In your name, I find meaning

2009-08-13T09:07:00.000-07:00

I don`t actually know what to blog about.

I just feel like letting my fingers dance away on the keyboard.

Hahaha.

Oh yeah, I can`t wait for Time traveller`s wife to show in Singapore`s cinema!

The book is pretty nice, albeit draggy.

The trailer simply brought tears to my eyes!

Its definitely a must see, and of course, the book would be a better choice if you want a detailed version.

Hee.

I should probably sleep.

I`m having a writer`s block.

I`ll blog more tomorrow.

Na`night!

balloons and brownie cake

2009-08-12T02:32:00.000-07:00

The surprise turned out well!

Albeit belated, we still had tons of fun and the girl didn`t suspect a single thing.

She thought we were going to my cousin`s chalet. Hahah!

I am glad that at least one of your birthday wish came through.

Y`know I love you, babe! :D

I drove myself crazy, running here and was pressed for time.

Plus, Nat was having a rough day and I was pretty scared that she wouldn`t want to go out.

But glad that she did, anyway!

Not many people were around when the girl came through the door, but, still it was a surprise nonetheless.

Food was awesome, especially the chicken wings!

Everything turned out pretty well and I am so glad that some of the old crew came.

<3>

Aftermath wasn`t so pleasant.

Shall not describe it here. Pfft.

Maybe on my Lj okay?

Cheers!

Andy Warhol, ze coolest.

2009-08-07T08:17:00.000-07:00

Heh, I like my new skin.

Okay, its not so new. Improvised, is more like it.

Hee. And I added a tagboard.

So, ya`ll should really tag.

PS. I AM STILL UPSET.

Paper hearts and plastic knife

2009-08-06T11:36:00.000-07:00

I didn`t think you would have the heart.

I didn`t think I would have to watch my back for ya`ll.

But I guess I was wrong. Very wrong.

I wish I could meet those people who I could always turn to for advices;

Dee, Nona, Yammy, Nad, Fadzlin, Mint, Syawal and Shahroum.

On top of Starbucks, ciggarettes, etp and happy pills

2009-08-04T09:01:00.001-07:00

HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY TO ONE OF MY BESTEST GIRLFRIEND!

As of today, you`re already Eighteen! :D

Finally, you can do things legally. (EG. buying ciggarettes! HAHA)

I am glad that we`ve been friends for over 5 years and still counting.

You`ve been an awesome friend, though, sometimes I get sick of seeing you everyday. HAHAH.

I still love you, though, you never fail to spam my camera. Hee.

Have a kick-ass time today, okay!

Hahaha.

and your present awaits you, very very very soon.

She wears high heels, I wear sneakers

2009-08-03T23:17:00.000-07:00

I need to go shopping.

Shopping is very very therapeutic.

Heee. I shall drag mommy/daddy along soon.

Oh, Natasha`s birthday is tomorrow!

Hahahaha, I still haven`t gotten her anything,

Nevermind, 7th would be awesome. Hahaha.

Oh well, I`m off to meet Diana Iar.

And by any luck, I might get to look for a decent job.

Heh. By the way, if yall know of jobs vacancy, do tell me kay!

Cheers!

Hot and cold

2009-08-02T21:41:00.000-07:00

YOU SUCK. YOU FUCKIN IMBECILE. YOU GUYS AIN'T TOO COOL EITHER. CLEARLY, THIS ONLY PROVES THAT I AM NAIVE.

Escapade

2009-07-31T09:21:00.001-07:00

I.MUST.START.SAVING (!!!!!)

Yes yes, Imma do the unthinkable and save save save!

Means, I have to curb on my spending habits! *gasps*

But, it`ll all be worthwhile.

If you don`t know what I`m talking about, well, I`ll tell you.

I`m gonna save enough cash to head over to Sydney next year or earlier.

:D Heh heh heh.

Its going to be awesome and I so can`t wait!

Hopefully the plan would follow through!

xoxo

Ready, get set, don`t go

2009-07-30T08:14:00.000-07:00

I feel like a major loser today.
For some reason, my self-esteem was unusually low.
So, I did some crunches, sit-ups and jumping jacks. Hahaha. We have two small dumb bells at home, so, I made used of that.
Yes yes, I worked out till I felt a wee bit better.

Recently, my cousin in Malaysia added me on facebook.
What amazes me was that he is a step closer to achieving his dream, while I am still school-less.
Guess what? He is only a year older than me. -.-
Okay okay, I mean its not such a big deal `cause he can`t really do international flights right?
But still, he is on the path to be one.

I feel like such a letdown, suddenly.

I`ve gotta go and find a job. pronto.

Ignite your bones

2009-07-29T09:34:00.000-07:00

So, I decided not to go on a hiatus.
Well, `cause firstly I`d be bored silly by not whining on my blog.
Secondly, I just don`t see why I should be updating my semi-locked lj since I don`t have any personal thing to rant about. Okay wait, there is probably a couple of things at the back of my head. But, we`ll worry about that when the time comes.

So anyway, I`ve been writing a couple of poems lately.
It isn`t really good `cause I find it crappy and no emotions attached.
My guess is `cause I probably don`t feel anything right about now. Yes, you heard me. I don`t feel sad, happy, angry, excited, nervous or any emotions at all.
I feel bored almost every single time. Hence, the poems have no emotion attached onto every word.
Well, until I feel any iota of emotion in my poems, I won`t post it up my blog.

So today, I am going to blog on a issue that has been bugging me.

I used to be close friends with this girl I met late last year. She is a brilliant girl who has never fail in cheering me up.
We`d have impromptu meet-ups for lunch and heart-to-heart talk over at the airport.
She sometimes would share to me about her past, though, not all `cause she is one secretive girl.
She doesn`t like to worry her friends and she is super lame, I tell you.
She is paranoid sometimes, but, that doesn`t make me wanna be her friend any lesser.
She`s the kind of friend that I`d go through any length to help.

I miss that friend of mine. I don`t know what happened to us, but, I miss you girl.

Sometimes I wonder is it just me or am I cursed?

I feel out of place and out of touch.
I thought I used to be part of something.
It is not that I am letting my feelings get in the way of my judgement or decisions, but, I just don`t get things anymore.
I feel like I`m at the point where I am in pieces.
I am trying to do my best, but, my best is always disappointing.

Whenever I thought I`m doing a nice thing,
my plan is always backfiring on me.
It feels like crap.
I feel like crap.

I feel like a fucking loser, right now.

Fall down seven times, get up eight

2009-07-28T07:25:00.000-07:00

"I've always sort of wondered: If everyone else's opinion is what matters, then do you ever really have one of your own?"
— Jodi Picoult

I watched The Tenth Circle on HBO family just now.
It is based on a novel by Jodi Picoult; My all-time favourite author.
I simply find her novels such a page-turner.
Most of her novels are usually about questioning our own morality, conscience, faith, empathy, compassion and right or wrong.
Basically when I read her book, it would usually hit me hard on the face.
Her stories forces us to think in a way we would have never imagined, placing us in a scenario we would never expect in our entire lifetime.
Plus, she writes in a multiple point of view. That way, we`d get a feel of what each characters are actually feeling.

I read my first Jodi Picoult novel in 2006 and has been hooked to her novels ever since.
The best one so far is, of course, my first book; my sister`s keeper and nineteen minutes.
Right now, I`m currently reading Harvesting the heart.

Anyway, I was browsing through quotes and I found this;

"If you spent your life concentrating on what everyone else thought of you, would you forget who you really were? What if the face you showed the world turned out to be a mask... with nothing beneath it?"
— Jodi Picoult (Nineteen Minutes)

Everyone tries to fit in, really, everyone.
Only someone who doesn`t have any feeling or a flicker of humiliation in his/her bones would disregard having to fit in.
We try so hard to fit in that we tend to forget who we really are.
We show the world our mask, ready-made to fool anyone.
Expectations on our backbones,heavier than the weight of the world.
We are all expected of different things from everyone.
Each time we disappoint, bit of the mask falls off.
We lie to ourselves and others to keep questions at bay.
We pretend we`re fine when we`re actually not.
Why the hell do we need to wear masks when we are already different?
We dress up different, we act differently to variety of situations.
We each have our own funny little habits that makes us an individual.
We laugh, cry, be angry or get hurt to different kind of things.

Truth is, everyone wears a mask at some point of their lives.
Don`t tell me you have never did, not even once.

love drunk

2009-07-28T02:29:00.000-07:00

I spent the entire day on the laptop having a Skins marathon. Hahaha!
I just felt like watching Mitch Hewer and Luke Pasqualino all over again and squeal about how hot they are. :D

And now, I feel like I need to get out of the house.
Escape, or something.

Cheers.

Play on broken strings

2009-07-25T08:44:00.000-07:00

We look far beyond our horizons and expect a rainbow to appear from the other end.

But when it doesnt, we break ourselves apart trying to find the reason why.

We expect too much out of ourselves.

Out of everything and everyone.

Sometimes, simplicity is always a bliss.

You leave me high and dry

2009-07-23T03:57:00.000-07:00

I closed my eyes and wondered what it was like to be back in the comfort of school.

You have no idea how much I miss school and studying.

But for some reason, I`m kind of afraid that I won`t be able to cope. A year plus of not schooling might make me a little rusty in swallowing education at a go. Hopefully, I`ll be able to beat the odds and cope.

I am ready to go back to school.

Guess new life awaits in September. (:

Your silver and gold

2009-07-22T09:01:00.000-07:00

Blogger is being a total pain in the ass. So, I can`t really do a proper post. Bummer right? Heh heh.

Anyway, I should probably head over to *insert name here* soon. I must really stop procrastinating! But, the flu bug just wouldn`t leave me alone. -.- Sore throat and dizzy spells happening so frequently are really taking its toll on me. Curse my low immune system. Pfft.

I didn`t manage to catch the Solar Eclipse just now `cause it was raining and I was still groggy. Hahahaha. I wasn`t being lazy, just awfully sleepy. So, I took a mere peek at the window and saw that it was raining heavily with dark clouds and snuggled right back under the duvet. Hee.

I should definitely kick this lazy habit and shed some pounds since I`m oh-so-free.

Morning jog commences as of tomorrow! :D

P.S/ My english is getting atrocious, no? Hmmm.