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Only almost here

Ignite your bones
Wednesday, July 29, 2009, 9:34 AM
So, I decided not to go on a hiatus.
Well, `cause firstly I`d be bored silly by not whining on my blog.
Secondly, I just don`t see why I should be updating my semi-locked lj since I don`t have any personal thing to rant about. Okay wait, there is probably a couple of things at the back of my head. But, we`ll worry about that when the time comes.

So anyway, I`ve been writing a couple of poems lately.
It isn`t really good `cause I find it crappy and no emotions attached.
My guess is `cause I probably don`t feel anything right about now. Yes, you heard me. I don`t feel sad, happy, angry, excited, nervous or any emotions at all.
I feel bored almost every single time. Hence, the poems have no emotion attached onto every word.
Well, until I feel any iota of emotion in my poems, I won`t post it up my blog.

So today, I am going to blog on a issue that has been bugging me.

I used to be close friends with this girl I met late last year. She is a brilliant girl who has never fail in cheering me up.
We`d have impromptu meet-ups for lunch and heart-to-heart talk over at the airport.
She sometimes would share to me about her past, though, not all `cause she is one secretive girl.
She doesn`t like to worry her friends and she is super lame, I tell you.
She is paranoid sometimes, but, that doesn`t make me wanna be her friend any lesser.
She`s the kind of friend that I`d go through any length to help.

I miss that friend of mine. I don`t know what happened to us, but, I miss you girl.

Sometimes I wonder is it just me or am I cursed?

I feel out of place and out of touch.
I thought I used to be part of something.
It is not that I am letting my feelings get in the way of my judgement or decisions, but, I just don`t get things anymore.
I feel like I`m at the point where I am in pieces.
I am trying to do my best, but, my best is always disappointing.

Whenever I thought I`m doing a nice thing,
my plan is always backfiring on me.
It feels like crap.
I feel like crap.

I feel like a fucking loser, right now.


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