Have you ever woke up and felt like crying your heart out?
Well, I did.
It is one of those rare occasions that I felt like crying out so badly.
Despite feeling sad and telling people that I want to cry, I haven`t been able to.
Maybe the reservoir for tears got dry or maybe cause I am incapable of crying at the slightest things.
And so, I ran.
I ran around the park till I got breathless.
I ran till I can`t run anymore, till my feet got sore and my heart like a jackhammer.
I ran till I felt that the problems couldn`t keep up.
But when I got home, I cried so hard that my eyes got swollen.
Harder than I did at my Grandma`s funeral.
The expectations are all so overwhelming.
I know I am going to disappoint many.
How can I not?
I practically screwed up my applications for nearly all the polytechnics.
My mom thinks I am a good-for-nothing daughter who doesn`t do chores.
My siblings think I can`t do something without having to whine or complain.
I`m choosy and I can`t compromise.
And there`s more in the list than just this.
I`m supposed to be a strong girl.
I am supposed to be able to figure things out.
But I can`t.
Cause what I feel right now is just breaking down and cursing myself.
I feel like cursing myself for not being able to compromise and just stick to the course in NYP.
I feel so much like a spoilt brat now.
Maybe everybody is right.
I`m such a spoilt brat.
I wish I could take back all the pain I have inflicted on people I care so much about.
But I can`t take back any pain I`ve inflicted on myself.
Cause I deserved it so much.
Please know that I love you guys, whoever that have made an impact in my life.
