The cold shower I just had woke me back to reality.
I`m still trying to come into grips with everything that has been going on this month.
I know all this a test from God,
What I really want to know is how well did I do?
I`m a disappointment, time and again.
From my impulsive ways right down to my stubbornness which would drive any normal soul to the madhouse.
I`ve disappointed my parents by quitting school only after one month of it.
Even though they didn`t tell me first-hand that they are disappointed, I know they are.
Common sense.
To make things even worst,
I haven`t even start looking for a school or course.
I haven`t start being serious about my future.
Every single time my parents discussed with me about my future plans,
all I said was "Look, I don`t really know what I wanna do now. So, stop asking."
I admit that was pretty rude,
considering that they have been pretty cool about the whole dropping-out-from-school thing.
I should start being more mature, I know.
I`ve been acting as if the world owes me a living.
I`ve been very spoilt, I know.
But I really wish I knew what I wanted to do.
I don`t want to disappoint anyone ever again.
I wish I could have the power to be less distracted and think maturely for once.
I wish I didn`t have to disappoint anyone.
Sigh, I hope I`ll get answers by the end of this Holy month.
And I don`t really need this.
I know wishing gets me nowhere,
but I really wish that ...........
I want that for my birthday please.
So that all the confusions, misunderstandings and arguments would just go away.
I don`t think any of us would want this.
I don`t think I want to experience anymore of it.
I don`t think I`d want you to experience another argument with me.
Cause we both know it doesn`t do us any good and its not fair for you.
Especially right now.
I know its exhausting reading a emotionally fucked-up post like this.
Trust me, its even more exhausting typing one when your mind is all jumbled up.
xoxo
