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Only almost here

Friday, February 8, 2008, 7:19 AM
Is this fiction or fact?
Cos apparently, I'm not in the right state of mind to decide.
Things have never been so wrong in my entire 16 years of existence.
First it was jtjf and now this.
What in the world is going on?
Is fate trying to be funny? cos its a no-haha matter.
I can't even forget jtjf, much less, liking another guy.
Yes, not a single doubt that he's sweet and nice.
But making me feel even worst that he's so caring.
This double sucks.
I feeling way sucky right now.
I'm having my ears plugged to my ipod cos I really don't feel like hearing it from the speakers.
I want to feel as though I'm alone right now.
I sound so unappreciative that he is, infact, very sweet.
But I'm scared its on the pretext of fear having his vespa scratched by my S&M.
I'm scared that its going to be another jtjf moment.
I'm scared that I'm going to get hurt.
I'm scared to fall in love.
I'm tired of not being able to forget jtjf even until now.
I don't want history to play another repetition.
I get a euphoric feeling and feeling ohso comfortable, but anything can happen.
Especially since we're working together.
Why can't things be direct and less complicated?
Why can't everything be simple?
I'm being so pathetic.
Lower than the smallest thing on Earth.
I can't even forget a fking asshole who hurt me.
I can't even forget a stupid 15year old.
I can't even forget the ass who said he didn't want to be friends with me.
I can't even forget the idiot who used to say all those nice things.
I'm fking pathetic, super low.
I'm grovelling like an idiot to someone who did all those nonsense.
I don't want to be like that anymore.
I don't want to be grovelling to someone like that.
I don't want to stoop so low.
Yet, I'm doing all those.
What if things didn't turn out the way everyone expects it to be?
What if things don't work out?
I'm just feeling so low right now.


As always. Things aren't supposed to turn out my way.


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